This blog is now dead!

However...you can get me at  www.andyrivers.co.uk where I'd be more than happy to talk more shite with you!

Later.

Agent Ex?

Are literary agents a dying breed? The time was when a would-be author would finish typing up their opus, print it all out in the manner specified by the respective agency in the Artists and Writers Yearbook, parcel it up and then spend a mint on postage before crossing their fingers and hoping that this time it would be different. Inevitably the deep sigh of disappointment that accompanied your rejection slip (not letter - slip!) would be tempered by the fact that they may actually have read this one before rejecting it (a fiver says they hadn't!) and you MUST be getting closer.

But that was then, this is the new world of E-Books, Print-On-Demand and a million small publishers (*ahem*) who print what they want with no regard for sales! (Sales? I've heard of them, can't quite place the word though...)

Seriously, why would you jump through hoops to impress someone who won't bother their arse to sell your work anyway because you're not 'current' but will take a percentage of anything you do create through your genius when you can bang it out on the Kindle and keep all of the profit yourself?

'Ah hold on you Geordie gobshite,' I hear you cry, 'agents, help with editing and contracts and that don't they.'  They certainly assist with contracts etc and some of them can get quite tricky with regard to rights and stuff but a solicitor (ie someone qualified in the law ) would look it over for a set fee and not 15% of everything you ever make from that particular book. Editing, again, is something that can be sub-contracted out but really, if you fancy yourself as an author, is also a task you should be able to do yourself.

At the end of the day writing is a business first and foremost and if you have designs on making it then you need to be able to take care of business yourself , sadly for agents it looks as though a number of writers already are - it'll be interesting to watch what happens.

AR

Proper Radgies

Alreet,

I went to the launch of Radgepacket 6 at The Back Page in Newcastle last week and it was a canny good do. Loads of the authors turned out (Darren Sant, Lee Kelly, Nick Quantrill, Pete Sortwell, Carol Fenlon, Linda Lewis, Joe Young, Craig Douglas, Luca Veste et al) and there was few famous faces past and present about as well (Sheila Quigley, Rod Glenn and Darrell Irving) some contracts were signed (Darren S again and Eileen Wharton) plenty of drink was had, tales swapped and banter exchanged - all in all a good day.

Then this week I noticed a review of the book had appeared on the 'Sabotage Review' site so I checked it out and it was a corker - have a look (SPOILER ALERT - they give away the end to Nick Q's story so divvent read that bit of you haven't read the story!)

Proper 'Radge' eh?

Later.

Hammered!

As you may recall my debut novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' was released back in 2010 to much critical acclaim and fanfare (or maybe not...) and since then it's had a steady trickle of positive reviews and comments from satisfied readers.

What's that? You don't believe me? I'm outraged...here, take a look at this latest review from the mightily well respected 'Crime Fiction Lover' website and eat a big slice of humble pie...

Maxwell's Silver Hammer 

Brit Grit Too...and a bit of a review...

Alreet,


I contributed a story to a charity anthology entitled 'Brit Grit Too' some time ago and then promptly forgot all about it (I'm a busy man ye kna!) Anyway, it's out on the Kindle and it's cheap so have a look.


I was reminded of it recently when someone pointed me to a review of said anthology in which the reviewer said : 'Andy Rivers' superb Geraldine comes immediately to mind. A twisted tale of football fans and murder, told with real sympathy (underneath the macho exterior) and a genuine voice. The narrator honestly feels like somebody I've met and forgotten.'


Here's a link to the full review in case you think I'm talking nonsense. 

Canny eh? Now buy my books and see if he's talking shite!! ;-)

Dear Santa...

As you know, I've been a very good little boy this year (remember we agreed that the incident at the girls boarding school was all just a misunderstanding!) and as such you're pretty much obliged to shower me with gifts in payment for this. However, I feel that there are others who are more deserving of presents from you big fella so I've made some requests for them instead - cos that's the kind of top fuckin' bloke I really am. So, if you could see your way clear to sorting out this list I'd be ever so grateful :-

1. Mike Ashley - Some fucking class. To destroy one hundred and twenty years of history and tradition simply to advertise your tacky 'sports' shop simply isn't on. If you can't provide him with some much needed class(and I accept it may be too much to ask for someone like him) then I'd accept you giving him a good arse fucking from a massive dicked seventies porn star...on television.
2. Michael Barrymore - A Career. Or a very good solicitor.
3. The knobs who run AOL - A customer service facility that involves serving customers rather than lying to them and shafting every last penny you can from them.
4. My Laptop - A long retirement as I've worked it to death the poor bugger, failing that another processor and some more RAM.
5. The Fat Smelly Noisy Bitch next door - Another child. I realise that this would simply be another burden on the state but it would also mean she'd have to be re-housed by the council and thus I wouldn't have to put up with her any more.
6. Derek Llambias - See point One. Also, a new face, one that I genuinely would tire of punching.
7. The Reading Public - news of my books and how to get them...please!
8. Alan Pardew - A spine for when the January transfer window opens and the knobjockey brothers (see 1 & 6) start selling everyone off and claiming 'it's in the long term interests of the club' - say no Alan and call their bluff in public...or fuck off - it's your call.
9. Top Models all over the world - another phone number to ring cos I'm sick of talking to them.
10. The winner of this years X-Factor - Oblivion...oh hold on, they normally get that anyway don't they?
11. Students - soap, a personality and the number for McDonalds for when you have to pay back your fees.
12. Jordan/Kerry Katona/that bint off the Essex thing - a photoshoot in Syria.

That's about it big lad. What's that? I need to ask you for something for myself? Oh all right then...just one thing mind 'cos I'm not greedy. How about you give me JK Rowling's bank account and she gets mine? Smashing. 
See you next year.


Yours Sincerely,


Fasthands

You fat cockney bastard, get out of our club....

Some things are beyond profit and personal gain.
Always and forever.....