Murder? Bollocks man.

I've just read in the news that a bloke in Manchester has been arrested on suspicion of murder after stabbing an intruder in his home. On further reading I discovered that there were two men in the gentlemans house and that in the ensuing struggle one of them died after being stabbed with his OWN knife.

The police, as is their whole reason for getting up in the morning, nicked the householder as fast as they possibly could - doubtless knocking one out in the squad car on the way back at the thought of ticking two boxes on their target form for the month.

However, what concerns me most is this - if the householder stabbed the intruder with his own knife how can that possibly be construed as murder? I thought murder involved 'malice aforethought' and some form of general planning. Am I worng or did the householder really plan it all in advance? Did he break into the intruders house and plant the knife in his coat pocket next to his balaclava and knuckle duster? Did he send his wife and child to the shops at the exact time he knew they'd be coming in through the window? Did he sit by the door night after night, hoping against hope that someone would break in so he could 'murder' them just like he'd planned to all along.....or are the police in this country just making shit up now....answers on a postcard please to thiscountrysfucked@thankstonyblairyoucunt.com

Why we will all die in the first snow storm after 2035...

No 10 Downing Street in the year of our Lord 2035. The minister for spin and blatant lie telling is anxiously pacing up and down the PM's office whilst his aide looks worriedly on

Minister for being a lying horrible bastard: Where's the bloody PM? The country's come to a standstill with this snow. There's no shops open, the police have all rang in sick, the power stations are failing and there's no industry at all going on...in fact the muggers, rapists and burglars are the only fuckers doing any work!

Aide: Calm down Mr. Mandelson, it's not that bad...

Mandelson: Not that bad! The Chinese are ready to invade because the fucking Army are saying they can't get to work in the snow and The Navy are all off frigging sledging. Not that bad...Jesus, where is he?

Aide: He's playing on his Nintendo.

Mandelson: WHAT!

Aide: Well it is a snow day sir.

Mandelson: What the fucking fuck is a fucking snow day you fucker?

Aide: We were all taught at school in 2010 that if it snowed a little bit or things got difficult then you had to give up and stay at home....in fact weren't you part of the government that encouraged that?

The Dark Lord: Bugger.