You’re probably wondering why I haven’t posted for a few weeks? Well there’s a simple answer to that – I’m a lazy bastard!
Nah, only kidding…well actually I’m not, I am a lazy bastard…but I do have mitigating circumstances.
I managed to somehow slash three of my fingers whilst using a chainsaw in a manly fashion*, resulting in claret gushing everywhere and lots of gauze, bandages and surrogate stitches (plastic strip things). All of this didn’t actually physically stop me from typing but it put me off enough to stop me doing it.
Obviously as a hard northern bastard I still went out on the drink at my nephews Eighteenth birthday party the same night though, hey – you’ve gotta have priorities right?
Anyway, not posting anything has given me the chance to re-appraise the situation at Newcastle United and take a cool, detached and methodical view of it all.
My conclusion is still that Denis Wise is the devil incarnate, Mike Ashley is a bumbling fat fool with a ‘please like me’ complex and Derek Llambias, the anonymous chairman, is a dick of the highest order who wears ridiculous glasses in an attempt to look Mike Read his cockney idol.
That’s them telt.
Oh, I went to see Paddy McGuiness last night and he was as filthy, rude and funny as usual. His support act, whose name I forget, was very good as well and told us all what to do when confronted with those knobs who smoke on buses. I shan’t go into detail, suffice to say I’d never heard the term passive wanking before!
I’ll leave you with that – have a good one.
Ps – Just heard about Joe Kinnear (aka Mate of the goggle eyed, cock sucking, taxi driver assaulting dwarf) taking over the toon on an interim basis – fuck me I’m depressed…
* it wasn’t a chainsaw it was a tin but don’t tell anyone I’m trying to build up a hardman rep….
Friday, 26 September 2008
Friday, 12 September 2008
North East...enders.
I would just like to put to bed the scurrilous rumours that Newcastle United are to be renamed Walford FC, the catering staff will only be serving Jellied eels from now on, the team will be running out to ‘knees up Mother Brown’ and that Shearers Bar will be re-named ‘The Queen Vic’.
This is obviously nonsense…everyone knows that the caterers will also be doing Pie and Mash…
Good luck to all the protesters, shouters, boycotters and heed the balls in Newcastle tomorrow – let that fat cunt and his evil little sidekick know exactly what you think of them.
Ps – Of course I wouldn’t for one second advocate violence or lawless behaviour on the aforementioned obese one and his cock sucking dwarf buddy but if it happens then rest assured I’ll be the first one to piss my self laughing!
This is obviously nonsense…everyone knows that the caterers will also be doing Pie and Mash…
Good luck to all the protesters, shouters, boycotters and heed the balls in Newcastle tomorrow – let that fat cunt and his evil little sidekick know exactly what you think of them.
Ps – Of course I wouldn’t for one second advocate violence or lawless behaviour on the aforementioned obese one and his cock sucking dwarf buddy but if it happens then rest assured I’ll be the first one to piss my self laughing!
Monday, 8 September 2008
Friday, 5 September 2008
Cockney Rejects....
*Sigh*
I’m having a shite week. Another rejection from an agent, my job’s crap and, worst of all, my hero has been driven from my club by a pack of cowardly, power hungry, not fit to lace his boots, cockney* Cunts!!
I’ve written a quick article about it for Players Inc (as seen on the BBC 1 Ten O Clock news Thursday 4th Sept) and attached it below.
He’s a dwarf a dwarf….
Mike Ashley has done a lot of good stuff since he took over at Newcastle United. Long term season tickets payable in installments, extended family section, consultation with fans, the singing section and even letting flags into games again. Yes, Mike Ashley has done a lot of good things since he took over.
On Thursday 4th September he wiped out every bit of goodwill he’d built up in one stroke when he chose his friend Dennis Wise over the one man in his whole setup that actually cares about Newcastle United – Kevin Keegan.
This allegedly astute businessman managed to lose an entire city of paying customers for all of his businesses in one go.
In truth this had been building for a while. Since Chris Mort left, the communication emanating from the club has been non-existent but Keegans body language and general patter weren’t right and we’d all started to notice.
He stated unequivocally that ‘James Milner is the last person I would like to see leave this club’ and a few days later Milner was gone with Kev saying ‘It was my decision.’
It patently wasn’t but Wor Kev seemed upbeat, telling us all ’Judge me when the transfer window shuts.’ I was happy at that because I knew that Kev meant there was quality players coming in and he’d never let us down before on that score – unfortunately we were all unaware that he wasn’t in charge of acquiring them anymore, the buying and selling is down to Dennis Wise.
It is blatantly obvious that Keegan had been promised a player better than James Milner by the ‘recruitment team’ (Bastian Schweinsteiger apparently ) and come Monday night when the window slammed shut it was also obvious that they’d lied to him.
With all due respect to the two players brought in they weren’t what the manager wanted, a forward to go with the five we already have and a twenty six year old midfielder who was loaned out to us immediately after signing for his new club – how good is he going to be then?
Unlike the rest of the miscreants that make up the mamangement of Newcastle United Kevin Keegan is a man of principle and honour and there is no way he can allow himself to be used to lie to the fans so Llambias and his cockney posse can pursue their own hidden agenda.
Indeed Derek Llambias, ex casino manager and good mate of Mike Ashley (the only qualification needed for a top job at the toon these days) was seen at the Arsenal match entertaining David O Leary – now one of the favourites to replace Wor Kev. if I was to suggest there was a conspiracy by the cockney boys to push out Keegan and install their own puppet then that would obviously only be my opinion – bears thinking about though doesn’t it?
Unfortunately for Dennis Wise (could there be a less apt surname?), Llambias and the other one (what the fuck is his name??) they’ve made a major mistake if they think they can treat Kevin Keegan with contempt and patronise both him and us, dismissing the fanbase as insignificant.
The entire city is up in arms at the disgraceful treatment of our club and of Keegan and, for once, there are moves afoot to do something about it. I’ve heard talk of match boycotts, mass protests and general awkward behaviour not just in and out of St. James but also within Ashley’s other businesses. This will hit him where it really hurts his type – in the pocket – and it will also put him squarely in the media spotlight a position he doesn’t relish one bit.
Apparently there is an indian consortium looking to buy the Toon, if Ashley has any sense he will sell up and ship out back to jellied eel land, unfortunately, as he proved when backing the odious little cockney dwarf over Keegan, he obviously doesn’t have any.
This could get interesting.
Howay the lads
Here’s a question though :-
If Ashley was so anxious to get rid of Barton for the ‘shame’ he brought to Newcastle then how come he is so ready to defend the poisonous little arsehole that is Dennis Wise?
Lest we forget Dennis has ‘form’ for attacking taxi drivers and setting about a team mate and breaking his jaw during training (how come the the tabloid journalists haven’t made that connection yet? Oh hold on Dennis is from London isn’t he…)
Any man that chooses Dennis Wise over Kevin keegan is obviously a clueless twat and therefore does not deserve my support.
GET OUT ASHLEY – TAKE WISE AND LLAMBIAS WITH YOU AND PISS OFF BACK TO YOUR JELLIED EELS AND YOUR BARROW YOU BUNCH OF COCKNEY WANKERS.*
* Sorry Tel…
I’m having a shite week. Another rejection from an agent, my job’s crap and, worst of all, my hero has been driven from my club by a pack of cowardly, power hungry, not fit to lace his boots, cockney* Cunts!!
I’ve written a quick article about it for Players Inc (as seen on the BBC 1 Ten O Clock news Thursday 4th Sept) and attached it below.
He’s a dwarf a dwarf….
Mike Ashley has done a lot of good stuff since he took over at Newcastle United. Long term season tickets payable in installments, extended family section, consultation with fans, the singing section and even letting flags into games again. Yes, Mike Ashley has done a lot of good things since he took over.
On Thursday 4th September he wiped out every bit of goodwill he’d built up in one stroke when he chose his friend Dennis Wise over the one man in his whole setup that actually cares about Newcastle United – Kevin Keegan.
This allegedly astute businessman managed to lose an entire city of paying customers for all of his businesses in one go.
In truth this had been building for a while. Since Chris Mort left, the communication emanating from the club has been non-existent but Keegans body language and general patter weren’t right and we’d all started to notice.
He stated unequivocally that ‘James Milner is the last person I would like to see leave this club’ and a few days later Milner was gone with Kev saying ‘It was my decision.’
It patently wasn’t but Wor Kev seemed upbeat, telling us all ’Judge me when the transfer window shuts.’ I was happy at that because I knew that Kev meant there was quality players coming in and he’d never let us down before on that score – unfortunately we were all unaware that he wasn’t in charge of acquiring them anymore, the buying and selling is down to Dennis Wise.
It is blatantly obvious that Keegan had been promised a player better than James Milner by the ‘recruitment team’ (Bastian Schweinsteiger apparently ) and come Monday night when the window slammed shut it was also obvious that they’d lied to him.
With all due respect to the two players brought in they weren’t what the manager wanted, a forward to go with the five we already have and a twenty six year old midfielder who was loaned out to us immediately after signing for his new club – how good is he going to be then?
Unlike the rest of the miscreants that make up the mamangement of Newcastle United Kevin Keegan is a man of principle and honour and there is no way he can allow himself to be used to lie to the fans so Llambias and his cockney posse can pursue their own hidden agenda.
Indeed Derek Llambias, ex casino manager and good mate of Mike Ashley (the only qualification needed for a top job at the toon these days) was seen at the Arsenal match entertaining David O Leary – now one of the favourites to replace Wor Kev. if I was to suggest there was a conspiracy by the cockney boys to push out Keegan and install their own puppet then that would obviously only be my opinion – bears thinking about though doesn’t it?
Unfortunately for Dennis Wise (could there be a less apt surname?), Llambias and the other one (what the fuck is his name??) they’ve made a major mistake if they think they can treat Kevin Keegan with contempt and patronise both him and us, dismissing the fanbase as insignificant.
The entire city is up in arms at the disgraceful treatment of our club and of Keegan and, for once, there are moves afoot to do something about it. I’ve heard talk of match boycotts, mass protests and general awkward behaviour not just in and out of St. James but also within Ashley’s other businesses. This will hit him where it really hurts his type – in the pocket – and it will also put him squarely in the media spotlight a position he doesn’t relish one bit.
Apparently there is an indian consortium looking to buy the Toon, if Ashley has any sense he will sell up and ship out back to jellied eel land, unfortunately, as he proved when backing the odious little cockney dwarf over Keegan, he obviously doesn’t have any.
This could get interesting.
Howay the lads
Here’s a question though :-
If Ashley was so anxious to get rid of Barton for the ‘shame’ he brought to Newcastle then how come he is so ready to defend the poisonous little arsehole that is Dennis Wise?
Lest we forget Dennis has ‘form’ for attacking taxi drivers and setting about a team mate and breaking his jaw during training (how come the the tabloid journalists haven’t made that connection yet? Oh hold on Dennis is from London isn’t he…)
Any man that chooses Dennis Wise over Kevin keegan is obviously a clueless twat and therefore does not deserve my support.
GET OUT ASHLEY – TAKE WISE AND LLAMBIAS WITH YOU AND PISS OFF BACK TO YOUR JELLIED EELS AND YOUR BARROW YOU BUNCH OF COCKNEY WANKERS.*
* Sorry Tel…
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
Arsenal - Up the Bummers...
Bit bored with this now like.
At the weekend Mike Ashley was spoken to by the police for committing the heinous crime of drinking a pint. Apparently someone complained – what type of sad, whinging, spotty virgin moans to the bizzies when his team is already three nil up and cruising to victory. What kind of sad, unfulfilled, frustrating life must this cunt lead that makes him derive satisfaction from crying to the law that someone is trying to drown his sorrows. Fucking Arsehole.
Mick Dennis of The Express has also continued his one man sniping crusade against Newcastle when he commented on the incident. For those of you who don’t know Mr Dennis has been slagging off Keegan non-stop since his arrival back at the Toon but as we’ve made a decent start he’s been strangely quiet, only crawling out from under his stone to mention this.
Joey Barton (again), comes on and gets booed by the whole middle class Arsenal set. The same Arsenal mob who consider Tony Adams a legend – that’s the Tony Adams who went to jail for drink driving and put his car through someone’s garden wall when pissed. Still that’s alright isn’t it – he’s a London based player.
Joey then makes a legitimate tackle which results in him being targeted by the whole Arsenal team until one of them (Samir Nasri) boots him from behind (a tactic used by countless frenchmen over the years I understand – soft cunts!). You’d think the sporting press, particularly in the light of the new ‘respect’ campaign would make something of this – oh hold on though, Nasri plays for a London team doesn’t he and those nasty oiks from up North deserve everything they get.
Not that I’m narked or anything like…
Ps and Arsenal played like fucking Brazil that’s not fair either…
At the weekend Mike Ashley was spoken to by the police for committing the heinous crime of drinking a pint. Apparently someone complained – what type of sad, whinging, spotty virgin moans to the bizzies when his team is already three nil up and cruising to victory. What kind of sad, unfulfilled, frustrating life must this cunt lead that makes him derive satisfaction from crying to the law that someone is trying to drown his sorrows. Fucking Arsehole.
Mick Dennis of The Express has also continued his one man sniping crusade against Newcastle when he commented on the incident. For those of you who don’t know Mr Dennis has been slagging off Keegan non-stop since his arrival back at the Toon but as we’ve made a decent start he’s been strangely quiet, only crawling out from under his stone to mention this.
Joey Barton (again), comes on and gets booed by the whole middle class Arsenal set. The same Arsenal mob who consider Tony Adams a legend – that’s the Tony Adams who went to jail for drink driving and put his car through someone’s garden wall when pissed. Still that’s alright isn’t it – he’s a London based player.
Joey then makes a legitimate tackle which results in him being targeted by the whole Arsenal team until one of them (Samir Nasri) boots him from behind (a tactic used by countless frenchmen over the years I understand – soft cunts!). You’d think the sporting press, particularly in the light of the new ‘respect’ campaign would make something of this – oh hold on though, Nasri plays for a London team doesn’t he and those nasty oiks from up North deserve everything they get.
Not that I’m narked or anything like…
Ps and Arsenal played like fucking Brazil that’s not fair either…
Wednesday, 27 August 2008
Taxing questions...
How was your bank holiday then? I hurt my back at the weekend (it hurts loads but I’m from Byker and therefore hard as nails so I don’t say nowt…) but unfortunately due to various staffing issues I’ve had to come to work this week rather than resting it so I’m in a right mood…
With that in mind I’m going to keep this brief (gotta do me stretches like don’t ask…) and ask just one question.
As Labour ministers are calling for a ‘windfall tax’ on the energy firms, the rationale being that they’re making a fortune through increased prices, in order to spend the said tax on ‘helping those in fuel poverty’.
Will they also be calling for the same tax on the government who are making an absolute fortune through fuel tax (the highest in Europe I believe – do we get any benefit from being in the EU?) in order to assist those who are struggling with big price rises on everything caused by the price of petrol and diesel?
Or, as I suspect will happen, will they keep quiet about that and just put their expenses claims in as normal and live the good life whilst we all struggle to heat our homes, drive our cars and put food on the table?
Don’t even know why I’m asking actually – they’re all a bunch of self serving, greedy, hypocritical fuckers with more in common with the grasping, everyone else will pay for me, chav class than they care to realise.
Bunch of arse all of ‘em.
With that in mind I’m going to keep this brief (gotta do me stretches like don’t ask…) and ask just one question.
As Labour ministers are calling for a ‘windfall tax’ on the energy firms, the rationale being that they’re making a fortune through increased prices, in order to spend the said tax on ‘helping those in fuel poverty’.
Will they also be calling for the same tax on the government who are making an absolute fortune through fuel tax (the highest in Europe I believe – do we get any benefit from being in the EU?) in order to assist those who are struggling with big price rises on everything caused by the price of petrol and diesel?
Or, as I suspect will happen, will they keep quiet about that and just put their expenses claims in as normal and live the good life whilst we all struggle to heat our homes, drive our cars and put food on the table?
Don’t even know why I’m asking actually – they’re all a bunch of self serving, greedy, hypocritical fuckers with more in common with the grasping, everyone else will pay for me, chav class than they care to realise.
Bunch of arse all of ‘em.
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Last night a DJ saved my life...
Right, forgive me but I’m about to go off on one now.
Loads of important world events happened on Monday/ Tuesday, for instance :-
• The Pakistani president resigned – a worrying development where terrorism is concerned
• Our Olympians accrued loads more medals
• The Russians were leaving Georgia and then they weren’t then they were again – implications for world peace/war are massive
• Our economy is still fucked and people are at the point of existing rather than living
With this in mind what do you think the lead story on some downmarket, super soaraway, tabloids and, more to the point, our national radio station was?
I’ll tell you.
‘Jade Goody has cancer’
What?
‘You know man Jade Goody, ignorant, illiterate, racist embarrassment to our whole nation, famous only for being stupid and getting her fanny out on television.’
‘Oh her – why’s her doctor told everyone then? Surely that’s something you’d keep private?’
‘Well her doctor didn’t tell her. She was informed she had it whilst in the diary room of the Indian version of Big Brother by her agent who then told the tabloids’.
‘Oh fuck off.’
Now If Ms goody has cancer then she has my sympathy. I know people who’ve beaten it, people who still have it and sadly I’ve known people who couldn’t fight it. None of them made the news on a radio station that I am forced to pay for and they were/are all ten times better people than she is but that’s not my point.
Why on earth would it be headline news all fucking day? Is there nothing else worthy of being the main headline on a national radio station in a supposedly civilised, first world country? Has the national IQ been so dumbed down that the wellbeing of an anonymous wannabe is crucial to our morale?
This country’s fucked and frankly, it’s the media that’s providing the KY Jelly!
Ps – as well as that I also had to endure Chris Moyles doing his ‘hilarious’ Geordie impersonation again yesterday, it was almost as funny as the time he was on ‘Never mind the Buzzocks’ and stayed very quiet when confronted with real funny people. I recall him crying to the papers afterwards that they’d picked on him.
Just like school Chris eh? It’s always the fat, ugly prick that gets bullied…
PPs - Some fucker's getting it today like....
Loads of important world events happened on Monday/ Tuesday, for instance :-
• The Pakistani president resigned – a worrying development where terrorism is concerned
• Our Olympians accrued loads more medals
• The Russians were leaving Georgia and then they weren’t then they were again – implications for world peace/war are massive
• Our economy is still fucked and people are at the point of existing rather than living
With this in mind what do you think the lead story on some downmarket, super soaraway, tabloids and, more to the point, our national radio station was?
I’ll tell you.
‘Jade Goody has cancer’
What?
‘You know man Jade Goody, ignorant, illiterate, racist embarrassment to our whole nation, famous only for being stupid and getting her fanny out on television.’
‘Oh her – why’s her doctor told everyone then? Surely that’s something you’d keep private?’
‘Well her doctor didn’t tell her. She was informed she had it whilst in the diary room of the Indian version of Big Brother by her agent who then told the tabloids’.
‘Oh fuck off.’
Now If Ms goody has cancer then she has my sympathy. I know people who’ve beaten it, people who still have it and sadly I’ve known people who couldn’t fight it. None of them made the news on a radio station that I am forced to pay for and they were/are all ten times better people than she is but that’s not my point.
Why on earth would it be headline news all fucking day? Is there nothing else worthy of being the main headline on a national radio station in a supposedly civilised, first world country? Has the national IQ been so dumbed down that the wellbeing of an anonymous wannabe is crucial to our morale?
This country’s fucked and frankly, it’s the media that’s providing the KY Jelly!
Ps – as well as that I also had to endure Chris Moyles doing his ‘hilarious’ Geordie impersonation again yesterday, it was almost as funny as the time he was on ‘Never mind the Buzzocks’ and stayed very quiet when confronted with real funny people. I recall him crying to the papers afterwards that they’d picked on him.
Just like school Chris eh? It’s always the fat, ugly prick that gets bullied…
PPs - Some fucker's getting it today like....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
