You fat cockney bastard, get out of our club.

Mike 'The Proven Liar' Ashley has now declared he is going to take Newcastle Utd off the market as 'no-one has met the £80m asking price'. Call me pedantic BUT that's the same price Birmingham City went for in about two minutes, Everton are asking for £300m and even shitholes like Sunderland have changed hands for that sort of money recently. Now consider our position, we're top of a very average league with a squad made up of cast offs and youth team players, we're getting bigger crowds than Chelsea do in the champions league and Liverpool did against Man Utd and the fat liar reckons he can't sell the club for £80million! No-one believes you anymore Mike you dishonest, corrupt, obese parcel of shite. There was never any intention to sell the club just the usual stringing along of supporters to hide the lack of inward action for the third transfer window in a row.

As well as taking the club 'off the market' (like it was ever fucking on you fat wanker) he has appointed Chris Hughton as permanent manager - the same Chris Hughton who was in charge for a lot of our premiership demise last year and won one game, mind you he says 'yes' a lot and Mike the Liar likes that hence Joe Kinnear's employment.

Oh and apparently he's going to 'pump £20 million in this week' - pump it into what? We haven't made a net spend on any players for two years, in fact Mike the Liar has put a considerable few quid in his back pocket as a result of decimating our team and getting us relegated. We must be covering the wages as we're on telly every fucking week and are getting crowds in excess of most premiership clubs - so where's this £20 million being 'pumped' into then? Is it your tab at Greggs you fat cunt?

However, none of this is what's pissing me off today. No, it's the statement they sneaked in on the back end of the the announcements that has riled me beyond belief 'exploring maximum revenue streams including naming rights for the stadium'. Basically, he's going to change the name of St James Park for a few quid - we'll be called the Tesco Stadium or something because he's a childish, spiteful, evil, lying, prick.

One hundred and twenty years of tradition will be swept away in an instant at one of English footballs great clubs because a fat narcissist from Buckinghamshire is in a huff about being shown up to be a truly inept buffoon. Will the FA step in with their 'fit and proper persons test'? Will the national media do anything about it? Don't hold your breath.

Rumour has it that Ashley was close to attack when we lost at Scunthorpe the other night and stewards had to protect him. Well if he changes the name of our ground he might just have to get used to that.

Joined up government?

Does anything actually work like it's supposed to in this country?

The Transport System. You can't drive anywhere without half the roads being closed or full of traffic cones that cause tailbacks and make you slow to a crawl so workers that aren't actually there are protected...and don't get me started on the fucking abortion that is the train service.

The child protection mob - whatever they're called. They aren't fit for purpose whichever way you look at it as every day brings another story of some poor little sod being abused in one way or another and another head of whichever department for pointless jobs hanging on for the payoff without even apologising.

The DSS. Apparently there's ELEVEN BILLION (that's eleven thousand million!) pounds spent every year from the public purse on disability benefits but the government are actually aware that 75% of them are faking it - that's about 8 Billion quid's worth! - they've just chosen to ignore it for the last decade...mind you there's an election coming up isn't there so doubtless they'll soon start talking a good game. Having said that, try paying many thousands of pounds into the system over the years through a series of well paid jobs and then get some back when you're made redundant through no fault of your own - persona non grata then ... bitter? Moi?

Democracy. In every other country it works like this :- you vote for who you want in charge and whoever gets the most votes then gets to rip off the most money until the next election. In this half arsed place we've went for the Zimbabwe option - no-one voted for the fucking gimp in charge (Brown or Mandelson, take your pick) but he's still taxing us to the hilt and giving what little spare we've got left to his euro mates.

The Armed Forces. Not a dig at them more the fucking donkeys who control them. If you take the decision to go to war and endanger the lives of thousand of brave men and women then you do it properly. You give them the best kit, the most firepower and excellent planning. Any of that happened for our boys and girls? Has it fuck. Do the politicians care? Do they fuck.

The Royal Mail. They can just fuck off the whingeing, soon to be closed down and out of a job because they're so greedy bunch of knobs.

Right, my spleen feels pretty much vented, I'm having a cup of tea.

Later.