It's good to be back, good to be back....

So I’m back in the land of living dead (Banbury!) and life is going on as normal. My birthday was good, plenty of drink involved, loads of spraffing with the siblings and a manc who tried to surfboard on a pub table resulting in a spilled pint of Cider and Black belonging to an irate fat bird.

I’m now officially ‘The Don’ and as a result will be speaking with marbles in my mouth at all times as well as being wise about anything and everything – hold on, I already do that.

I’ve had a sniff of publication of ‘I’m Rivelino’ through ‘Byker Books’ who have a sales plan that won’t involve me hitting the top of the bestseller charts but might get me a couple of pints and a kebab. Most importantly though I’ll finally be in print and have something to show for my efforts as well as a springboard to kick on from.

Anyway, I’m off – see you later.

ps - my boss has been 'transferred' with immediate effect. Officially, he's still my boss, unofficially he's already cleared his desk...

I WON YOU CUNT!!!!! HA

Bits n bobs...

It’s my birthday on Saturday, as a result I shall be travelling up to Geordieland tonight to refresh my spirit and cleanse my soul of all things southern. I’m guessing that as I cross the River Tyne back into Gods own country and the influence of the south recedes my IQ will rise back to previous levels and important bits of me will double in size to their previous dimensions…..

Right that should have offended enough of my readers. Writing wise not much on so I’ll just leave that.

Other news, a bloke recently got arrested for chasing a mob of who were throwing rocks through his windows. His crime? He was waving a bit of wood about in order to defend himself against the gang of feral shitheads.

Another bloke, who is disabled, was recently arrested after getting a burglar in a headlock after the said burglar had punched him first.

This country’s fucked.

Anyway, fuck that the revolution won’t be long now. Have a good un – I’m going to!!

Ps - I'm the godfather this weekend - Don Fasthands.....that means you all have to kiss my ring...!

An offer I wouldn't refuse...

Well then, where to start today?

I’ve had a crap week work-wise, put in loads of unpaid hours with a lot more to come, been treated like a mug and generally unappreciated.

'Special' - My second novel is getting rejected left, right and centre...

I decided to spend last night working on the fourth (and hopefully final) draft of my toon book ‘I’m Rivelino’ but my internet connection went down thus stopping my research. After arsing about for an hour or so I finally admitted defeat and rang my provider to be met with a recorded message telling me they were upgrading and ‘some networks may be affected’ – that’s not what I pay for – I assume my bill will be rebated accordingly will it? Fuckers. .

Too frustrated by now to work on my book I decided to acquaint myself with ‘Photoshop’ with a view to using it on a website I’m putting together. As my copy of the program didn’t come with any manuals I’ve acquired some old ones, one of which came with a bonus disk full of tutorials and free images.

‘Brilliant’ I thought ‘progress on something anyway’ until I realised that the disk was so old that my new laptop wich runs on ‘Vista’ didn’t recognise the fucking content of the bonus disk and my version doesn’t correlate with any of the manuals.

So I’m in a right huff and contemplating paddling a canoe down Hartlepool Marina before resurfacing in Panama in the future when my phone rings…..and everything was alright again.

I’m going to be Godfather to my nephew James – get in!