Agent Ex?

Are literary agents a dying breed? The time was when a would-be author would finish typing up their opus, print it all out in the manner specified by the respective agency in the Artists and Writers Yearbook, parcel it up and then spend a mint on postage before crossing their fingers and hoping that this time it would be different. Inevitably the deep sigh of disappointment that accompanied your rejection slip (not letter - slip!) would be tempered by the fact that they may actually have read this one before rejecting it (a fiver says they hadn't!) and you MUST be getting closer.

But that was then, this is the new world of E-Books, Print-On-Demand and a million small publishers (*ahem*) who print what they want with no regard for sales! (Sales? I've heard of them, can't quite place the word though...)

Seriously, why would you jump through hoops to impress someone who won't bother their arse to sell your work anyway because you're not 'current' but will take a percentage of anything you do create through your genius when you can bang it out on the Kindle and keep all of the profit yourself?

'Ah hold on you Geordie gobshite,' I hear you cry, 'agents, help with editing and contracts and that don't they.'  They certainly assist with contracts etc and some of them can get quite tricky with regard to rights and stuff but a solicitor (ie someone qualified in the law ) would look it over for a set fee and not 15% of everything you ever make from that particular book. Editing, again, is something that can be sub-contracted out but really, if you fancy yourself as an author, is also a task you should be able to do yourself.

At the end of the day writing is a business first and foremost and if you have designs on making it then you need to be able to take care of business yourself , sadly for agents it looks as though a number of writers already are - it'll be interesting to watch what happens.

AR

Proper Radgies

Alreet,

I went to the launch of Radgepacket 6 at The Back Page in Newcastle last week and it was a canny good do. Loads of the authors turned out (Darren Sant, Lee Kelly, Nick Quantrill, Pete Sortwell, Carol Fenlon, Linda Lewis, Joe Young, Craig Douglas, Luca Veste et al) and there was few famous faces past and present about as well (Sheila Quigley, Rod Glenn and Darrell Irving) some contracts were signed (Darren S again and Eileen Wharton) plenty of drink was had, tales swapped and banter exchanged - all in all a good day.

Then this week I noticed a review of the book had appeared on the 'Sabotage Review' site so I checked it out and it was a corker - have a look (SPOILER ALERT - they give away the end to Nick Q's story so divvent read that bit of you haven't read the story!)

Proper 'Radge' eh?

Later.

Hammered!

As you may recall my debut novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' was released back in 2010 to much critical acclaim and fanfare (or maybe not...) and since then it's had a steady trickle of positive reviews and comments from satisfied readers.

What's that? You don't believe me? I'm outraged...here, take a look at this latest review from the mightily well respected 'Crime Fiction Lover' website and eat a big slice of humble pie...

Maxwell's Silver Hammer 

Brit Grit Too...and a bit of a review...

Alreet,


I contributed a story to a charity anthology entitled 'Brit Grit Too' some time ago and then promptly forgot all about it (I'm a busy man ye kna!) Anyway, it's out on the Kindle and it's cheap so have a look.


I was reminded of it recently when someone pointed me to a review of said anthology in which the reviewer said : 'Andy Rivers' superb Geraldine comes immediately to mind. A twisted tale of football fans and murder, told with real sympathy (underneath the macho exterior) and a genuine voice. The narrator honestly feels like somebody I've met and forgotten.'


Here's a link to the full review in case you think I'm talking nonsense. 

Canny eh? Now buy my books and see if he's talking shite!! ;-)

Ask an Author...or even ask me....

I'm currently taking part in a month long 'Ask an Author' session on the 'Close2TheBone' blog - this means that anyone (fucking ANYONE mind!) can ask me a question about the nuts and bolts of being a top author. Fucked if I know why they're asking me cos the closest I've ever been to a top author was that time I threw a plate at the telly when Jeffrey Archer was on...anyway...they asked me so I'm doing it.

Here's the link - why don't you join in?

Fasthands talks shite...again

Right then, must go and practice my lies for when someone asks about groupies...later kids.

The Peoples Radgy...

Alreet,

How's it gannin?

Anyway, as you may know I'm a bit of an author and my latest book 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' has been nominated for 'The Peoples Book Prize' and I need votes.

This is where you come in...

If you like me enough to vote for me (and who wouldn't want to help a lovely bloke like me eh...) then click the link and register. They'll send you a password and then you can vote for me (make sure it's me won't you!)

Cheers

The Peoples Book Prize

First Review of Maxwell's...

Alreet spanners,

Here's the first review of 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' from the very cool 'For Books Sake' blog - launch pics to follow.

Have a good un!

FOR BOOK'S SAKE!

Signing On....

Alreet,

Just to let you know really that my publisher is offering exclusive, signed (best get a new pen - I've used all the ink in this one!) and discounted copies of my forthcoming cult novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' with FREE postage and packing (UK only like) - all the info is on their site which you can access with one click of your mouse right HERE.

Go on man - you know you want to...

Oxfam's Silver Hammer...

Alreet Kids,

My debut crime fiction novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' is out on July 12th and here's a little look at the cover :-




Smart eh? It's being published by those radgy chaps at Byker Books and here's a bit of their blurb as well as a quote from the mighty Danny King :-

Andy Rivers has crafted a Machiavellian tale of council estate politicking amongst the sex, drugs, good guys and thugs of the Tyneside underworld. Written in an, almost unique, multiple first person point of view this book will entertain and appall you in equal measure. We think it's a corker to set the ball rolling on our foray into 'Industrial Strength' crime fiction and hope you do too.

A belter of a book that packs more punches than a Saturday night out on Market Street. Gangsters, guns and gadgies galore, Andy Rivers weaves a cracking plot through the Byker badlands like a Geordie Elmore Leonard and is one of the few writers I know of who can type while wearing boxing gloves. I had two black eyes before I'd finished chapter three. A thumping debut from a barnstorming new talent.
Danny King

There's a strong possibility I'll be launching the book on July 10th at the new Oxfam Bookshop, Jesmond so I'll let you know the timings of that and you can get down there and do your bit for charity.....and support Oxfam!

Later

That's me that is....

Just thought I'd draw your attention to this press release currently winging it's way round the great and good of the country :-

Byker Books Make Double Signing of Exciting New Talent

Byker Books are delighted to announce the acquisitions of all rights to ‘Dumb Luck’ and ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ two edgy, fierce novels from the pens of rising stars Tom Arnold and Andy Rivers.

The pair were signed at the recent launch event for the fourth volume of the cult ‘Radgepacket’ series by the Commissioning Editor for Byker Books. ‘We are very pleased to have captured both of these authors. They have both produced excellent works that stay true to our ethos of grimy, council estate stories and, while they are both crime fiction novels, they are very different in approach. ‘Dumb Luck’ is a high octane, fast paced ride through the London that tourists never see and ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ is an almost Machiavellian tale of politics, greed and corruption in Newcastle’s underworld.

‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ will be released in July 2010 with ‘Dumb Luck’ to follow in October 2010.

Please direct all enquiries to ed@bykerbooks.co.uk

Now we're fucking talking!!

Radgeness Abounds...

Alreet,

It's been a while I know. This has been partly down to laziness, partly down to busyness but mainly down to being blocked out of my account by Blogger...cheers like you plums!!

Anyway, I went to a funeral yesterday, I won't go into the whys and wherefores you just need to know this - it was an Irish one...and my head is fucked!

Therefore there will be no spleen venting, anecdote recalling or general banter today, just a reminder that Radgepacket Four is being launched at the weekend in the toon (see below) and I'll be there. Pop along for a natter if you want.

Oh, and bring ya wallet!

Later

Gannin Radge again...

Alreet,

I've managed to blag my way into another edition of the mighty 'Radgepacket' series. Volume Four will apparently have over twenty stories in it and feature the likes of Ray Banks and Danny King all for the canny low price of only £5.99 - bargain!

Byker Books are having a launch event for the book at 'The Back Page' in Newcastle on 13th March at 15:00ish where I'm reliably informed there'll be booze (that's me in like!) and some good banter - get yourself along man!

Oh, and this is what the cover's going to look like by all accounts :-



Looks good to me - see you there.

Oooh Byker, Byker, Ooooh Byker, Byker BOOKS!

Good News!

My crime fiction novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' will be published by Byker Books next summer - a release date of July has been tentatively mooted.

This will put me shoulder to shoulder on their list with Danny King whose comic crime book 'More Burglar Diaries' they recently launched. You can buy it here at a discounted price incidentally:-



.....Just in time for Christmas eh!

Right then I'm off to practice being an A list celeb. Later.

All signed out...for now.

Alreet Kids,

Well Mike Ashley's still on a mission to destroy one of English Football's grandest old clubs criminally aided by the national media who would have started massive front page campaigns to hang him and llambias by now if we were a London club.

However...I can't be arsed to talk about that fat homosexual today (just my opinion like...) instead I've got some pics for you of my recent book signing sessions at Borders in Wallsend and Team Valley. Also a bit of news, I'll be doing another signing session of my book 'I'm Rivelino' or 'The Working Class Fever Pitch' as it's becoming known, at 'The Back Page' in Newcastle on Wednesday 19th August from 16:00 to about 17:30 before I head up to the BBC studios to appear on Radio Newcastle's new sports show with Steve Howey. After that I'll be gannin to the match against Sheff Wed and shouting abuse at a certain porcine buffoon with a penchant for fresh faced young cockneys.....well how else could you explain Dennis wise's employment, it's not like the fucker contributed to the football side of things was it?

Anyway, hope you like the pics - Later.

I'm Rivelino.....No I'm Rivelino.......

Alreet,

I'm more than alreet - I'm fucking buzzing man!

My first ever full length published work is now available for Pre-Ordering on Amazon ahead of it's launch on August 1st. 'I'm Rivelino - A Life of Two Halves' will be available from Borders, The Back Page and all online retailers for the criminally cheap price of £6.99 AND I'll be marking the emergence of my seminal (ahem) work with a signing session at Borders Wallsend (on the Silverlink) at 12.30 on August 1st and 15.00 at Borders Team Valley on the same day.

It's all going on!

Here's a link to Amazon and some blurb about the book :-

Pre-Order on Amazon

Testimonials

‘Andy Rivers has told an entertaining tale about following your' club through thick and thin. I'm sure you'll enjoy it whichever team you support.’

Lee Clark (Ex-Newcastle United)

‘One is a Brazilian Footballing Legend. The other went to school in Walker and grew up in Byker so knows the crack and scribbles a lot better than he dribbles. A mint read.’

Mick Edmondson (DJ Mad Mick)


Blurb

‘When you consider them in a football sense you think of 'little Rotherham playing Newcastle? Oh the romance of the cup.’ Well all I could see was fifteen stone, pie eating nutters covered in tattoos and no matter how much aftershave they'd slapped on there'd be no f**king romance going on there I can tell you...!’

Thanks to a family member taking him to his first match in the early seventies whilst he was at a young and impressionable age Andy Rivers discovered Newcastle United. Given the stress and despair this has caused him over the last thirty years it's fair to assume that this action would be considered child abuse today. His story, peppered with terrace wit and rough charm, will be identified with by supporters everywhere.

About The Author

Andy Rivers has been a Butlins Barman, pretend chippie on a Spanish construction site, coach holiday rep, mobile sandwich salesman and outdoor traffic cone washer to name but a few of his eclectic 'career' choices. Interesting as these jobs were, none of them will ever match standing drunkenly on a rain soaked terrace in a t-shirt whilst your team is battered four nil at home...and if you understand the logic of that then you definitely should buy this book!

Writing News...and fuck off Chris Moyles!

Morning,

Two good things happened last week.

The first involves reports that the fat, unfunny, man Chris Moyles will be losing his job sometime soon – obviously this was instantly and furiously denied by everyone but there’s no smoke without fire I feel that everyone protesteth too much – don’t let the door smack you on your ample arse on the way out knobhead.

And secondly, Some of you may recall that I mentioned writing a play some time ago and I posted bits of it on here. You may also recall that I was sending it to the Live Theatre in Newcastle for critique and that I promised to tell you what happened – well, I’m finally in a position to let you see an abridged version of the feeback I received :-

OVERVIEW
This is a short play about childhood loves and adult ambitions. It is also about lost youth and betrayal. Four school friends, now grown up, realise that their childhood sweethearts are no longer what they need or want.

CONCEPT
DAVEY and JO have been together since schooldays as have NICK and RONI. JO and NICK’s lives have moved on so that they no longer want to be associated with their old loves. By moving up the career ladder they assume their less successful friends are not good for them either personally or for their careers. The drama begins when JO finishes her relationship with DAVEY after a disastrous night out. NICK too decides that RONI is no good for him and ends their relationship. Rejected pair, DAVEY and RONI have much in common including low ambition and sense of humour. Flung together RONI and DAVEY inevitably become a couple but more unexpectedly RONI becomes pregnant with DAVEY’s child and they decide they will stay together and look forward to the birth of their child. With the tables turned, NICK and RONI find out that by rejecting their friends they have rejected what they most wanted in life, family and security. In this ensemble piece there are strong themes of: loyalty; betrayal; ambition and growing up. Ambition and status are the demons fuelling NICK and JO whilst DAVEY and RONI, accepting that they will never be good enough, are happy to settle for being underachievers, becoming the settled family unit that all four friends had hoped to have.

LANGUAGE
The four characters have known each other for a long time and this comes across in the dialogue. The strongest dialogue is in the monologues. Here the characters’ voices are very clear and we get a real sense of who they are.


THEATRICALITY
The scenes are cleverly thought out to avoid a great deal of set changes. Each character delivering monologues to the audience allows for more character development as well as making the play more interesting to watch.

RECOMMENDATIONS
At the moment this reads as an ensemble piece but not every character is equally developed within the narrative. For example, JO begins the play wanting commitment and possibly children and realises she is unlikely to get that if she stays with DAVEY. At the end of the play when RONI discloses her pregnancy with DAVEY who turns out to be supportive and committed, JO congratulates them and leaves. Presumably, JO has very strong feelings about what she has just heard but we don’t get to hear her point of view.
The monologues work well and add another dimension to the characters.

In some of the dialogue there is a tendency to write directions for the actors e.g. pleadingly, sarcastically. It might be worth taking these directions out to check whether the dialogue reflects these directions. Using subtext would strengthen the dialogue. For example, while it is clear what NICK and JO have given up by leaving their respective partners it is not clear how RONI and DAVEY really feel about being flung together by circumstance. There must be some tension between them as we know they were attracted for many years to complete opposites. From her monologue, we know RONI knows that DAVEY went out with JO for a bet. It is possible that she has doubts about his commitment to her.

So, it took a while but I think it was worth it – I’ve got a couple of useful pointers with where to take it now and once I’ve developed it further I’m gonna wing it to the BBC so they can stick it in their ‘Northern’ box.

Toodle pip.

Chasing Cars...and other shite.

Alreet kids, how’s it gannin?

Not much going on this week really. I’ve been working on my latest novel ‘Chasing Cars’ and as a special treat if you click on the link below you ‘ll see the prologue…well, until I re-write it anyway!


Chasing Cars

The toon got their first point under Big Al against Stoke. Dire match like but Carroll made all the difference when he came on I thought- we started winning headers and everything.

I’ve been thinking about fate a lot recently as well – it bothers me that my life might have been pre-determined before I was even born. It would explain some stuff but would also nark me beyond belief cos that would mean that every decision I ever made meant nowt doesn’t it? I could have just sat on my fat, Geordie arse and let it all happen without lifting a finger – seems to work for most of the tabloid fodder in this country anyway – and got to where I am now without breaking sweat.

So with that in mind I tried selling me soul to the devil but the fucker wasn’t interested - turns out I haven’t got one…..

Aye, I’m bored…..

Reasons to be cheerful 1...2...3

1. My book ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life Of Two Halves’ is being published in the summer and I know of at least three people who’ll buy it so that’s a pint I can afford.
2. When Newcastle go down under the stewardship of Messrs Ashley (fat cunt), Wise (evil little dwarf cunt) and Llambias (greasy cockney spiv cunt) then we’ll play more games on a Saturday, probably win more as we’re in a shiter division and that incompetent fat virgin will lose half of his investment overnight.
3. I’m going drinking with Danny King (top author bloke – if you haven’t discovered him yet you should) in a few weeks and then I’m off to see The Specials the next night with the Wolverhampton mob – woohoo!

Just thought I’d share that with you all.

Later.

Look at this Photograph....

Here’s a strange tale for you. I sent Byker Books an old photo of me in the school football team when I was seven for the cover of ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life of Two Halves’ and they were dead happy with it – set the right sort of tone and that.

They asked, quite rightly, was it my photo or had I got permission to use it from the owner? Obviously being me that hadn’t even crossed my mind and as I’d originally got the photo off a website about five years ago I thought I’d best make an effort to contact the bloke responsible for it.

I found him, he said I could use it and even suggested that, as he was a photographer these days, he would touch it up and send me a good version. I duly got onto Byker Books and told them. They were dead happy and life was cool.

Then he sent me the ‘good’ version back.

It was very good.

So good in fact that all the creases were out of it and you could see everyone’s face properly and do you know what?

It wasn’t me on the fucking photo!!!!!!

So now I’ve got to ‘create’ another cover pic sharpish and eating much humble pie…what a twat eh!

Sunday dinner and Monday launch...

A canny weekend last week ladies and gents – a canny weekend indeed.

I went out on Saturday with the in-laws and stayed out until three in the morning without a drop of the demon drink passing my lips – impressive eh!

Following that I travelled up to God’s country on Sunday morning, ostensibly in order to attend the launch of ‘Radgepacket Volume Two’ at Borders in Team Valley but also to get me mouth round one of me mams legendary Sunday Dinners. So it was few pints in the club (The Clerb like…) to watch Newcastle get beat then a fuckoff big roast then more bevvy with the siblings…like I said canny.

The launch on Monday night was great – particularly as I’d never been to one before and the mighty Ray Banks was there. As I was in the original ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ I got to sign copies for punters and pretend I was famous…In fact I’m sure I heard someone ask why Brad Pitt was there….

See you later

Oh aye – I got a phone call off Huddersfield Town FC on Monday as well telling me that their manager ‘Lee Clark’ (ex toon player) would be happy to write a foreword for my forthcoming toon book – It’s all happening now kids, honestly, I’ll probably not be speaking to you this time next year…heh heh