Friday, 28 December 2007

Out with the old...

Just a quicky to let you all know I'm still alive and well.

Obviously I've eaten shedloads, drank bucketloads and have shit loads!!!

Highlights of the festive period have included meeting my new nephew young James - I'm pleased to report that he's got a hefty pair of fists and will undoubtedly go on to have faster hands than his , admittedly very quick, Uncle Andy.

Went drinking with the siblings (Emma and Rachael - happy now?) and the wife last night around a more salubrious part of Newcastle and discovered Bison Grass Mojitos and wasabi peas...don't ask, just know this - they were lush!

Anyway, hope you all had a good one and I'll be back in the new year.


Ps - Tel, you a daddy again yet?

Wednesday, 19 December 2007

Misteltoe and whine...

Well then lads and lasses, Christmas week is nearly upon us, we've all nearly finished work and the boozers are full of once a year drinkers that simply clog up the place and stop you chatting up the barmaid with lines she's never heard before.

With this in mind I thought I'd round up the week for you before signing off until 2008 (I'll be far too busy, eating, drinking and chatting up barmaids to blog any more this year).

The Lib Dems elected a new leader...Well that'll make all the fucking difference won't it!! Gordon Brown must be shitting himself now - unless he's taxed doing that now.

A Man Utd reserve is being questioned regarding an alleged rape at a hotel where the Man Utd players were having their Xmas party. Call me cynical but, without reading any of the story or knowing any of the facts, I'm of the opinion that it's a load of bollocks.

Drunk footballer + Willing Girl = Tabloid exposure and money in the bank - End Of.

I'm going on my 'xmas do' from work tomorrow, those of you who know me will know that my boss is a cock and I'll be doing well to keep my job - maybe I'll just chat barmaids up all night and keep out of his way!

Anyway, that's probably it from me for 2007 - I hope you all have a great Christmas and a prosperous new year. Personally I'm looking forward to meeting my new nephew before eating and drinking myself into oblivion on xmas day.

See you all next year - Cheers


Monday, 17 December 2007

The bells are ringing out for Whitley bay...


Bit of an eventful one on Saturday as five of us went to Fulham to watch Newcastle thrash the local team. The match itself was shite - apart from the last minute winner, courtesy of a penalty by Joey Barton, and we could all have saved ninety minutes of our lives by just sticking our heads in for the last thirty seconds.

Either side of the match some good stuff happened :- I sold the spare ticket I had and therefore didn't suffer financially, We got our train tickets (that cover the tubes as well) for less than half price thanks to some wheeler dealing, we abused everyone we came into contact with and one of the lads won £80 by backing Barton to score both the first and the last goals.

So after a heavy days drinking we headed back to Marylebone station in good time to catch the last train. Two tube stops from the railway station with at least twenty minutes in hand it all goes tits up. Some inconsiderate cockney gets himself stabbed on our tube and everything grinds to a halt - despite our best efforts to get a black cab we missed the last train and I was forced to think (not easy when you've been on the hoy all day).

Five minutes later and it's sorted, we get the only train available to Aylesbury where a minibus (organised by my good self) is waiting to transport us to Banbury for the princely sum of a tenner each. On arrival we got dropped off at a pub organised by 'The Shado' that was happy to let us in at daft o clock in the morning.

All in all a good day out, three points for the lads and we didn't get our heads kicked in.

Ps - the title of the post refers to a doylum who was with us being convinced that 'Fairytale of New York' was really about the coastal regions of the North East of England - plum!

Friday, 14 December 2007

London Calling...

I'm going to Fulham tomorrow to watch Newcastle, apparently we haven't kept a clean sheet there since 1946 AND I haven't seen us score a goal there yet so normally I wouldn't be hopeful BUT I heard a story yesterday that makes me think we'll be alright.

In 1969 Newcastle United won the Fairs Cup (forerunner to the UEFA cup) and all was hunky dory in geordieland, a supporter (who's name I don't know) and prominent shareholder who had followed them for many years home and away died soon after but the club failed to mention him in any programme notes or official publication.

His wife, who was some kind of spritual medium type, was a bit miffed by this and put a curse on the club - Newcastle have won nothing since - and to think I thought I was the jinx, being born in 1970!

Anyway, last week she lifted it...on the very day that we beat Birmingham City with a last minute winner - let the good times roll!

Thursday, 13 December 2007

Ins and oots...

With Christmas fast approaching I thought I’d give you my seasonal view on what’s in and what’s out for 2008. Use this guide wisely and you’ll be top of the tree next year (see what I did there).


Supporting your team
Abusing Politicians at every opportunity
Turning Vigilante
Being English
Being a major Publisher
And signing up gritty Geordie talent
Being Bald
Being Cool
Being an Uncle


Being whingy tabloid fodder
Believing Politicians
Having faith in British Law
Being British
Being a publisher and not signing up gritty Geordie talent.
Having hair
Drama Queen, victim behaviour a la Jeremy Kyle/Jerry Springer
Not being an uncle

Happy Christmas you bunch of plums!

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

The turning point?

Lads and lasses here's my latest column for Nufcview and The Bleacher report (links down the right hand side, near the bottom) - I fully expect a slagging from at least one red shirted huckle but am publishing it anyway - cos I can!

The Turning point?

At some point in every manager’s career they hit a sticking point. They find that they have an underperforming team, the chairman is getting twitchy and sections of the crowd start vocally showing their dismay. This is the point at which great managers are made.

When plain old Alex Ferguson didn’t immediately deliver success to, the then, mid-table Manchester United of the 1980’s a lot of the Stretford End faithful wanted rid of him. Fast forward twenty years and Sir Alex is widely respected as one of the best managers ever.

Martin O Neill kept the letters he received from deeply unhappy Leicester fans, one promotion and a cup final later he was writing back to them and asking what their problem was. He’s now a prime candidate for the England job and considered one of the best crop of managers in British football today.

Arsene who? Was the cry some years ago in parts of North London as concerned gooners wondered about the non-existent track record of their new manager – do you think they’d swap him now

Sam Allardyce hit his own wall at home to Liverpool recently but it had been coming for a while.

Dour performances straight from the Souness handbook had been glossed over by wins and draws but when the wheels came off at home to Pompey and the scousers then there was nowhere to hide.

Sam took the abuse like a man and got on with it.

The new owner kept his finger off the trigger and the team started doing their job with a key factor being the crowd’s support. They got stuck in away to Blackburn where we lost unluckily, they were the better team at home to Arsenal where we drew but could have won and they kept getting stuck in against Birmingham where we picked up all the points.

Now I’m not saying Sam hasn’t made mistakes and I’m not saying the football’s been brilliant either but you’ve got to give the bloke time.

This club, my club, has been undermined by short term thinking for the last ten years and it needs to end. We’re not going down this year and could quite feasibly end up in the European places if the manager is allowed to get on with his job – why don’t we cut him some slack, support the team and see what happens.

Who knows, in ten years time we could all be clapping as a statue of Sir Sam is unveiled outside St. James alongside the new trophy room we’ve had to build!!

Howay the lads

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Writing News

Sorry for the lack of posts recently – I’ve been on a residential course from work and haven’t been able to access a pc. When I did get back I had over one hundred emails to deal with and was forced to actually work for my money – that’ll never catch on!

Magpie Ranger is progressing slowly – however, I received word this week that a publisher is interested, having read the synopsis, and will be contacting me at some point when they’ve had a chance to assess market potential and distribution options.

That’s exciting stuff but also means I have to get my arse into gear writing the thing!!

I’d best ask Santa for another pair of hands.