Proper Radgies

Alreet,

I went to the launch of Radgepacket 6 at The Back Page in Newcastle last week and it was a canny good do. Loads of the authors turned out (Darren Sant, Lee Kelly, Nick Quantrill, Pete Sortwell, Carol Fenlon, Linda Lewis, Joe Young, Craig Douglas, Luca Veste et al) and there was few famous faces past and present about as well (Sheila Quigley, Rod Glenn and Darrell Irving) some contracts were signed (Darren S again and Eileen Wharton) plenty of drink was had, tales swapped and banter exchanged - all in all a good day.

Then this week I noticed a review of the book had appeared on the 'Sabotage Review' site so I checked it out and it was a corker - have a look (SPOILER ALERT - they give away the end to Nick Q's story so divvent read that bit of you haven't read the story!)

Proper 'Radge' eh?

Later.

Dear Santa...

As you know, I've been a very good little boy this year (remember we agreed that the incident at the girls boarding school was all just a misunderstanding!) and as such you're pretty much obliged to shower me with gifts in payment for this. However, I feel that there are others who are more deserving of presents from you big fella so I've made some requests for them instead - cos that's the kind of top fuckin' bloke I really am. So, if you could see your way clear to sorting out this list I'd be ever so grateful :-

1. Mike Ashley - Some fucking class. To destroy one hundred and twenty years of history and tradition simply to advertise your tacky 'sports' shop simply isn't on. If you can't provide him with some much needed class(and I accept it may be too much to ask for someone like him) then I'd accept you giving him a good arse fucking from a massive dicked seventies porn star...on television.
2. Michael Barrymore - A Career. Or a very good solicitor.
3. The knobs who run AOL - A customer service facility that involves serving customers rather than lying to them and shafting every last penny you can from them.
4. My Laptop - A long retirement as I've worked it to death the poor bugger, failing that another processor and some more RAM.
5. The Fat Smelly Noisy Bitch next door - Another child. I realise that this would simply be another burden on the state but it would also mean she'd have to be re-housed by the council and thus I wouldn't have to put up with her any more.
6. Derek Llambias - See point One. Also, a new face, one that I genuinely would tire of punching.
7. The Reading Public - news of my books and how to get them...please!
8. Alan Pardew - A spine for when the January transfer window opens and the knobjockey brothers (see 1 & 6) start selling everyone off and claiming 'it's in the long term interests of the club' - say no Alan and call their bluff in public...or fuck off - it's your call.
9. Top Models all over the world - another phone number to ring cos I'm sick of talking to them.
10. The winner of this years X-Factor - Oblivion...oh hold on, they normally get that anyway don't they?
11. Students - soap, a personality and the number for McDonalds for when you have to pay back your fees.
12. Jordan/Kerry Katona/that bint off the Essex thing - a photoshoot in Syria.

That's about it big lad. What's that? I need to ask you for something for myself? Oh all right then...just one thing mind 'cos I'm not greedy. How about you give me JK Rowling's bank account and she gets mine? Smashing. 
See you next year.


Yours Sincerely,


Fasthands

Ask an Author...or even ask me....

I'm currently taking part in a month long 'Ask an Author' session on the 'Close2TheBone' blog - this means that anyone (fucking ANYONE mind!) can ask me a question about the nuts and bolts of being a top author. Fucked if I know why they're asking me cos the closest I've ever been to a top author was that time I threw a plate at the telly when Jeffrey Archer was on...anyway...they asked me so I'm doing it.

Here's the link - why don't you join in?

Fasthands talks shite...again

Right then, must go and practice my lies for when someone asks about groupies...later kids.

Come Back Around...

Alreet kids,

Yes it's true, you can stop wearing black and whinging about life being shit..I'm back!

To kick things off on my new / old blog I thought I'd point you in the direction of an interview I did last week with a bloke called 'Ed' who runs Byker Books - well I say interview, basically I sat there and got abused by the fucker, still he bought the drinks so nowts the bother!

Anyway, here it is for your delectation :- Close To The Bone

Also, I've been informed that my superb, debut novel (big headed? Moi?) Maxwell's Silver Hammer is now available on the Amazon Kindle for only 99p (virtually giving them away man) and that I'm Rivelino - my epochal sporting bio - is also about to hit the Kindle's virtual shelves for the same price. two top books for £1.98 - that's ya beach reading sorted, just need to nick some suntan lotion when you're rioting and looting later eh....

ps - don't worry there'll be plenty of bile aimed at Ashley, Pardew, Llambias, Students, Chris Moyles and every other feckless fucker on this earth in the future!

The Peoples Radgy...

Alreet,

How's it gannin?

Anyway, as you may know I'm a bit of an author and my latest book 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' has been nominated for 'The Peoples Book Prize' and I need votes.

This is where you come in...

If you like me enough to vote for me (and who wouldn't want to help a lovely bloke like me eh...) then click the link and register. They'll send you a password and then you can vote for me (make sure it's me won't you!)

Cheers

The Peoples Book Prize

Signing On....

Alreet,

Just to let you know really that my publisher is offering exclusive, signed (best get a new pen - I've used all the ink in this one!) and discounted copies of my forthcoming cult novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' with FREE postage and packing (UK only like) - all the info is on their site which you can access with one click of your mouse right HERE.

Go on man - you know you want to...

Oxfam's Silver Hammer...

Alreet Kids,

My debut crime fiction novel 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer' is out on July 12th and here's a little look at the cover :-




Smart eh? It's being published by those radgy chaps at Byker Books and here's a bit of their blurb as well as a quote from the mighty Danny King :-

Andy Rivers has crafted a Machiavellian tale of council estate politicking amongst the sex, drugs, good guys and thugs of the Tyneside underworld. Written in an, almost unique, multiple first person point of view this book will entertain and appall you in equal measure. We think it's a corker to set the ball rolling on our foray into 'Industrial Strength' crime fiction and hope you do too.

A belter of a book that packs more punches than a Saturday night out on Market Street. Gangsters, guns and gadgies galore, Andy Rivers weaves a cracking plot through the Byker badlands like a Geordie Elmore Leonard and is one of the few writers I know of who can type while wearing boxing gloves. I had two black eyes before I'd finished chapter three. A thumping debut from a barnstorming new talent.
Danny King

There's a strong possibility I'll be launching the book on July 10th at the new Oxfam Bookshop, Jesmond so I'll let you know the timings of that and you can get down there and do your bit for charity.....and support Oxfam!

Later

That's me that is....

Just thought I'd draw your attention to this press release currently winging it's way round the great and good of the country :-

Byker Books Make Double Signing of Exciting New Talent

Byker Books are delighted to announce the acquisitions of all rights to ‘Dumb Luck’ and ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ two edgy, fierce novels from the pens of rising stars Tom Arnold and Andy Rivers.

The pair were signed at the recent launch event for the fourth volume of the cult ‘Radgepacket’ series by the Commissioning Editor for Byker Books. ‘We are very pleased to have captured both of these authors. They have both produced excellent works that stay true to our ethos of grimy, council estate stories and, while they are both crime fiction novels, they are very different in approach. ‘Dumb Luck’ is a high octane, fast paced ride through the London that tourists never see and ‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ is an almost Machiavellian tale of politics, greed and corruption in Newcastle’s underworld.

‘Maxwell’s Silver Hammer’ will be released in July 2010 with ‘Dumb Luck’ to follow in October 2010.

Please direct all enquiries to ed@bykerbooks.co.uk

Now we're fucking talking!!

Radgeness Abounds...

Alreet,

It's been a while I know. This has been partly down to laziness, partly down to busyness but mainly down to being blocked out of my account by Blogger...cheers like you plums!!

Anyway, I went to a funeral yesterday, I won't go into the whys and wherefores you just need to know this - it was an Irish one...and my head is fucked!

Therefore there will be no spleen venting, anecdote recalling or general banter today, just a reminder that Radgepacket Four is being launched at the weekend in the toon (see below) and I'll be there. Pop along for a natter if you want.

Oh, and bring ya wallet!

Later

Gannin Radge again...

Alreet,

I've managed to blag my way into another edition of the mighty 'Radgepacket' series. Volume Four will apparently have over twenty stories in it and feature the likes of Ray Banks and Danny King all for the canny low price of only £5.99 - bargain!

Byker Books are having a launch event for the book at 'The Back Page' in Newcastle on 13th March at 15:00ish where I'm reliably informed there'll be booze (that's me in like!) and some good banter - get yourself along man!

Oh, and this is what the cover's going to look like by all accounts :-



Looks good to me - see you there.

All signed out...for now.

Alreet Kids,

Well Mike Ashley's still on a mission to destroy one of English Football's grandest old clubs criminally aided by the national media who would have started massive front page campaigns to hang him and llambias by now if we were a London club.

However...I can't be arsed to talk about that fat homosexual today (just my opinion like...) instead I've got some pics for you of my recent book signing sessions at Borders in Wallsend and Team Valley. Also a bit of news, I'll be doing another signing session of my book 'I'm Rivelino' or 'The Working Class Fever Pitch' as it's becoming known, at 'The Back Page' in Newcastle on Wednesday 19th August from 16:00 to about 17:30 before I head up to the BBC studios to appear on Radio Newcastle's new sports show with Steve Howey. After that I'll be gannin to the match against Sheff Wed and shouting abuse at a certain porcine buffoon with a penchant for fresh faced young cockneys.....well how else could you explain Dennis wise's employment, it's not like the fucker contributed to the football side of things was it?

Anyway, hope you like the pics - Later.

Signing On....

Alreet,

Been a while like I know but I've had some stuff gannin on which has left me a bit discombobulated (my favourite word!).

The main ones being that I'm about to be made redundant and have been placed on 'Garden Leave' meaning I'm out of the way and can't nick owt whilst they pretend to decide whether to make me redundant when in actual fact the decision was made fucking weeks ago!

The other thing gannin on is obviously, my award winng book* 'I'm Rivelino', which I shall be signing at two (that's TWO) Borders stores this weekend.

Borders Wallsend (Silverlink)

Borders Team Valley

These links are the events pages for the stores and if you scroll down them it should have my 'appearance' times...get me eh!

Anyway, I'm off to the job centre - might see you Saturday?

* I'm Rivelino - Best book written by a Byker lad this week...

I'm Rivelino.....No I'm Rivelino.......

Alreet,

I'm more than alreet - I'm fucking buzzing man!

My first ever full length published work is now available for Pre-Ordering on Amazon ahead of it's launch on August 1st. 'I'm Rivelino - A Life of Two Halves' will be available from Borders, The Back Page and all online retailers for the criminally cheap price of £6.99 AND I'll be marking the emergence of my seminal (ahem) work with a signing session at Borders Wallsend (on the Silverlink) at 12.30 on August 1st and 15.00 at Borders Team Valley on the same day.

It's all going on!

Here's a link to Amazon and some blurb about the book :-

Pre-Order on Amazon

Testimonials

‘Andy Rivers has told an entertaining tale about following your' club through thick and thin. I'm sure you'll enjoy it whichever team you support.’

Lee Clark (Ex-Newcastle United)

‘One is a Brazilian Footballing Legend. The other went to school in Walker and grew up in Byker so knows the crack and scribbles a lot better than he dribbles. A mint read.’

Mick Edmondson (DJ Mad Mick)


Blurb

‘When you consider them in a football sense you think of 'little Rotherham playing Newcastle? Oh the romance of the cup.’ Well all I could see was fifteen stone, pie eating nutters covered in tattoos and no matter how much aftershave they'd slapped on there'd be no f**king romance going on there I can tell you...!’

Thanks to a family member taking him to his first match in the early seventies whilst he was at a young and impressionable age Andy Rivers discovered Newcastle United. Given the stress and despair this has caused him over the last thirty years it's fair to assume that this action would be considered child abuse today. His story, peppered with terrace wit and rough charm, will be identified with by supporters everywhere.

About The Author

Andy Rivers has been a Butlins Barman, pretend chippie on a Spanish construction site, coach holiday rep, mobile sandwich salesman and outdoor traffic cone washer to name but a few of his eclectic 'career' choices. Interesting as these jobs were, none of them will ever match standing drunkenly on a rain soaked terrace in a t-shirt whilst your team is battered four nil at home...and if you understand the logic of that then you definitely should buy this book!

It's Radgy time....

Just thought I’d make you all aware that the lads and lasses at Byker Books have brought out another corking collection of stories for your delectation:-

Radgepacket – Tales From The Inner Cities Volume Three

The eagerly awaited third volume in the ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ series will be launched onto an unsuspecting world on July 11th. Radgepacket Three continues the Byker Books quest to bring you the best in ‘unsigned and unhinged’ British talent as well as the more established names. We’ve got stories of giant rats, vigilantes, teenage car thieves and bent politicians as well as many more. If you like blood and guts, sex and drugs or gangsters and thugs then there’s something in here for you.

Come on…GET RADGE!

Available from selected Borders stores, Amazon and other online bookshops and www.bykerbooks.co.uk

I’m not in it – they really can’t afford me these days – but I think it’s still worth £5.99 of anyone’s beer tokens – go on man you know you want to…actually, here’s the Amazon link as well, could I make it any easier????

Radge3

Reasons to be cheerful 1...2...3

1. My book ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life Of Two Halves’ is being published in the summer and I know of at least three people who’ll buy it so that’s a pint I can afford.
2. When Newcastle go down under the stewardship of Messrs Ashley (fat cunt), Wise (evil little dwarf cunt) and Llambias (greasy cockney spiv cunt) then we’ll play more games on a Saturday, probably win more as we’re in a shiter division and that incompetent fat virgin will lose half of his investment overnight.
3. I’m going drinking with Danny King (top author bloke – if you haven’t discovered him yet you should) in a few weeks and then I’m off to see The Specials the next night with the Wolverhampton mob – woohoo!

Just thought I’d share that with you all.

Later.

Look at this Photograph....

Here’s a strange tale for you. I sent Byker Books an old photo of me in the school football team when I was seven for the cover of ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life of Two Halves’ and they were dead happy with it – set the right sort of tone and that.

They asked, quite rightly, was it my photo or had I got permission to use it from the owner? Obviously being me that hadn’t even crossed my mind and as I’d originally got the photo off a website about five years ago I thought I’d best make an effort to contact the bloke responsible for it.

I found him, he said I could use it and even suggested that, as he was a photographer these days, he would touch it up and send me a good version. I duly got onto Byker Books and told them. They were dead happy and life was cool.

Then he sent me the ‘good’ version back.

It was very good.

So good in fact that all the creases were out of it and you could see everyone’s face properly and do you know what?

It wasn’t me on the fucking photo!!!!!!

So now I’ve got to ‘create’ another cover pic sharpish and eating much humble pie…what a twat eh!

Sunday dinner and Monday launch...

A canny weekend last week ladies and gents – a canny weekend indeed.

I went out on Saturday with the in-laws and stayed out until three in the morning without a drop of the demon drink passing my lips – impressive eh!

Following that I travelled up to God’s country on Sunday morning, ostensibly in order to attend the launch of ‘Radgepacket Volume Two’ at Borders in Team Valley but also to get me mouth round one of me mams legendary Sunday Dinners. So it was few pints in the club (The Clerb like…) to watch Newcastle get beat then a fuckoff big roast then more bevvy with the siblings…like I said canny.

The launch on Monday night was great – particularly as I’d never been to one before and the mighty Ray Banks was there. As I was in the original ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ I got to sign copies for punters and pretend I was famous…In fact I’m sure I heard someone ask why Brad Pitt was there….

See you later

Oh aye – I got a phone call off Huddersfield Town FC on Monday as well telling me that their manager ‘Lee Clark’ (ex toon player) would be happy to write a foreword for my forthcoming toon book – It’s all happening now kids, honestly, I’ll probably not be speaking to you this time next year…heh heh

Move over Nick Hornby....

Now then, bit of news for you all today.

I’ve been talking to the lads at Byker Books and they’re rather keen on publishing my book about Newcastle United and me – the superbly titled (I would say that wouldn’t I) ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life of Two Halves.’

They’re confident they can get it out by August in time for the new season and they’re working on it as we speak – good news eh!

While I won’t become a millionaire (or probably even a hundredaire for that matter) and it’s not like I’m a properly published fiction author I will have a book with my name on it.

They’ve also mentioned a couple of small signings as well so I’m digging out my eccentric authors costume as we speak – I’m thinking flat cap, jumper and scarf a la’ Albert Steptoe what do you reckon?

Anyway, good news for me and as things progress I’ll make sure you know first.

See you later

Radgepacket 2 - Launch Event

The lads at Byker Books have asked me very nicely if I'd be able to publicise the launch event they have planned for the next volume in their 'Radgepacket' series - as I'm a nice bloke I thought I'd oblige.

March 2nd 2009 – Radgepacket 2 Launch Event

Yes it's true ladies and gents – the eagerly awaited return of ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ is being launched at ‘Borders Bookshop’ in Team Valley, Gateshead on Monday March 2nd at around 18.00 by renowned crime author Sheila Quigley and unknown editor…me!

If you can get there to say hello, maybe have a glass of cheap plonk, have your photo taken with Sheila (and me if you’re sad) and meet some of our contributors then you’re most welcome.

Here’s a bit of blurb from the respected and, frankly, fucking ace, author Ray Banks :-

Top notch stuff. Seriously impressed and it's nice to see someone filling the void that Bullet left. Keep up the stellar work!

So put it in your diaries and come and see us – I promise not to dip your pockets…..

Cheers

Ed

Byker Books

The Good, The Bad and the proper fucking Ugly.

Happy (belated) new year – hope you all had a good festive season.

Anyway, on with this shite:-

The Good
The first Big Boys Beano of 2009 is fast approaching. It will see hordes of us descending on Wolverhampton, home of a Cockney exile, in order to drink the town dry and cry about our hangovers the next morning.


The Bad
The firm I work at has placed everyone on a ’90 day redundancy consultation period’ while they decide who to get rid of following Subaru’s pulling out of the World Rally Championship.

The Proper Fucking Ugly

The Mike ashley/Dennis Wise/Derek Llambias axis of evil. All ugly bastards. FACT.


On an unrelated note I’ve submitted the first novel I ever wrote (the mighty Maxwell’s Silver Hammer) to a small indie publisher I discovered – owt happens you’ll be first to know. On a note unrelated to that, Byker Books have mentioned that they’ll be releasing ‘Radgepacket2’ at the end of Feb – I’m not in it but I know someone who is – here’s a look at the cover.





If it’s owt like the last one it’ll be good.


Now wrap up warm this weekend won’t you – I’ve just read that the EU will be taking our gas reserves to help out fellow european member states, good old Tony and Gordon selling us all out like that eh…..