Alreet,
I'm more than alreet - I'm fucking buzzing man!
My first ever full length published work is now available for Pre-Ordering on Amazon ahead of it's launch on August 1st. 'I'm Rivelino - A Life of Two Halves' will be available from Borders, The Back Page and all online retailers for the criminally cheap price of £6.99 AND I'll be marking the emergence of my seminal (ahem) work with a signing session at Borders Wallsend (on the Silverlink) at 12.30 on August 1st and 15.00 at Borders Team Valley on the same day.
It's all going on!
Here's a link to Amazon and some blurb about the book :-
Pre-Order on Amazon
Testimonials
‘Andy Rivers has told an entertaining tale about following your' club through thick and thin. I'm sure you'll enjoy it whichever team you support.’
Lee Clark (Ex-Newcastle United)
‘One is a Brazilian Footballing Legend. The other went to school in Walker and grew up in Byker so knows the crack and scribbles a lot better than he dribbles. A mint read.’
Mick Edmondson (DJ Mad Mick)
Blurb
‘When you consider them in a football sense you think of 'little Rotherham playing Newcastle? Oh the romance of the cup.’ Well all I could see was fifteen stone, pie eating nutters covered in tattoos and no matter how much aftershave they'd slapped on there'd be no f**king romance going on there I can tell you...!’
Thanks to a family member taking him to his first match in the early seventies whilst he was at a young and impressionable age Andy Rivers discovered Newcastle United. Given the stress and despair this has caused him over the last thirty years it's fair to assume that this action would be considered child abuse today. His story, peppered with terrace wit and rough charm, will be identified with by supporters everywhere.
About The Author
Andy Rivers has been a Butlins Barman, pretend chippie on a Spanish construction site, coach holiday rep, mobile sandwich salesman and outdoor traffic cone washer to name but a few of his eclectic 'career' choices. Interesting as these jobs were, none of them will ever match standing drunkenly on a rain soaked terrace in a t-shirt whilst your team is battered four nil at home...and if you understand the logic of that then you definitely should buy this book!
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Monday, 22 June 2009
It's Radgy time....
Just thought I’d make you all aware that the lads and lasses at Byker Books have brought out another corking collection of stories for your delectation:-
Radgepacket – Tales From The Inner Cities Volume Three
The eagerly awaited third volume in the ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ series will be launched onto an unsuspecting world on July 11th. Radgepacket Three continues the Byker Books quest to bring you the best in ‘unsigned and unhinged’ British talent as well as the more established names. We’ve got stories of giant rats, vigilantes, teenage car thieves and bent politicians as well as many more. If you like blood and guts, sex and drugs or gangsters and thugs then there’s something in here for you.
Come on…GET RADGE!
Available from selected Borders stores, Amazon and other online bookshops and www.bykerbooks.co.uk
I’m not in it – they really can’t afford me these days – but I think it’s still worth £5.99 of anyone’s beer tokens – go on man you know you want to…actually, here’s the Amazon link as well, could I make it any easier????
Radge3
Radgepacket – Tales From The Inner Cities Volume Three
The eagerly awaited third volume in the ‘Radgepacket – Tales from the Inner Cities’ series will be launched onto an unsuspecting world on July 11th. Radgepacket Three continues the Byker Books quest to bring you the best in ‘unsigned and unhinged’ British talent as well as the more established names. We’ve got stories of giant rats, vigilantes, teenage car thieves and bent politicians as well as many more. If you like blood and guts, sex and drugs or gangsters and thugs then there’s something in here for you.
Come on…GET RADGE!
Available from selected Borders stores, Amazon and other online bookshops and www.bykerbooks.co.uk
I’m not in it – they really can’t afford me these days – but I think it’s still worth £5.99 of anyone’s beer tokens – go on man you know you want to…actually, here’s the Amazon link as well, could I make it any easier????
Radge3
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
State of the Police....
Did you see them coppers on the news last night. For those who didn’t I’ll set the scene.
There’s a bloke on the floor who has been ‘tazered’ with two coppers holding him down. Two more coppers then arrive and proceed to also hold the bloke down – despite the fact he’s barely moving anyway. Copper number one then shouts ‘get off him’ and tazers the bloke again while he’s still on the floor they all then hold him down again before one of the other coppers, an undoubted hard man who hides behind his badge, then punches the bloke in the head three times before they haul him off.
Apparently the bloke had ‘assaulted a police officer’ so it was okay for them to beat him up.
Now ask yourself this question – if the bloke had broke into your house and assaulted your wife before you and three of your mates got hold of him, electrocuted him twice and then smacked him in the head – who do you think would have been arrested?
Answers to thiscountry’sfucked@Onelawforthemanotherforus.co.uk
There’s a bloke on the floor who has been ‘tazered’ with two coppers holding him down. Two more coppers then arrive and proceed to also hold the bloke down – despite the fact he’s barely moving anyway. Copper number one then shouts ‘get off him’ and tazers the bloke again while he’s still on the floor they all then hold him down again before one of the other coppers, an undoubted hard man who hides behind his badge, then punches the bloke in the head three times before they haul him off.
Apparently the bloke had ‘assaulted a police officer’ so it was okay for them to beat him up.
Now ask yourself this question – if the bloke had broke into your house and assaulted your wife before you and three of your mates got hold of him, electrocuted him twice and then smacked him in the head – who do you think would have been arrested?
Answers to thiscountry’sfucked@Onelawforthemanotherforus.co.uk
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Sold his soul...
Geordie? He might have slept with a Geordie once but that's about as close as he's ever been the fat, plastic manc, smash nosed, mercenary, dishonourable, Judas.
That is all.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Oh...man....!
Well, that’s that then! Frankly, I’m glad this abortive season is all over and, even though we got relegated I’m just relieved it’s all finished.I’ve got to ask the question though – how on earth did Mike Ashley make all that money when he is blatantly as thick as fuck?
What kind of idiot backs Dennis Wise over Kevin Keegan IN NEWCASTLE?
What kind of stupid, fat, clueless cunt even contemplates Joe ‘me heart’s fucked and I haven’t been a manager since relegating Forest about ten years ago’ Kinnear as the manager of a team in freefall?
What kind of imbelic, brain dead, makem like, fucking pleb then doesn’t replace the aforementioned Mr. Kinnear and instead lets the team and club and city slide to it’s doom before bringing in someone professional once it’s too fucking late?
I’ll tell you what kind – the same kind of obese moron that then decides to sell the club and put it in managerless limbo just as everyone else is preparing for next season thus condemning us to another season of fucking about, playing catch up and getting nowhere.
Anyway, apparently the Sultan of Oman is sniffing around so let’s hope he comes up with the shekels sharpish and we can fuck the fat doylum off quickly and get back to being a football club again instead of a spoilt rich boy’s plaything.
Speaking of spoilt rich boys I was a bit surprised at the Villa fans being so jubilant at sending us down like – I realise that the media have managed to turn us into football lepers as far as the rest of the country is concerned but they were properly, eye bulgingly, face contortedly, screamingly, about to burst a fuse, desperate to send us down and I can’t for the life of me remember what we’ve ever done to them?
Every Villa fan I spoke to before and after the match (and there was a canny few – I’ll talk to anyone me, I mean I’m even talking to you now aren’t I…) didn’t want us to go down – so where did the 30,000 who did come from?
Anyway, they’re on my list now (it’s getting long my list) and, as we all know, football is cyclical and what goes around comes around. Twenty years ago Man Utd were a mid-table team with a barely known Scottish manager who most of their fans wanted sacked. So there’ll come a time when we can do them a bad turn and when that happens I’ll be there laughing my head off at them. Well that’s if any of the fickle fuckers turn up. These are the same fans who were booing Martin O’ Neill and their team off the pitch a few games ago – in fact if there’s any justice in the world at all then their chairman – the admirable Mr Lerner and Ashley will swap clubs – now that’d be funny!
What kind of idiot backs Dennis Wise over Kevin Keegan IN NEWCASTLE?
What kind of stupid, fat, clueless cunt even contemplates Joe ‘me heart’s fucked and I haven’t been a manager since relegating Forest about ten years ago’ Kinnear as the manager of a team in freefall?
What kind of imbelic, brain dead, makem like, fucking pleb then doesn’t replace the aforementioned Mr. Kinnear and instead lets the team and club and city slide to it’s doom before bringing in someone professional once it’s too fucking late?
I’ll tell you what kind – the same kind of obese moron that then decides to sell the club and put it in managerless limbo just as everyone else is preparing for next season thus condemning us to another season of fucking about, playing catch up and getting nowhere.
Anyway, apparently the Sultan of Oman is sniffing around so let’s hope he comes up with the shekels sharpish and we can fuck the fat doylum off quickly and get back to being a football club again instead of a spoilt rich boy’s plaything.
Speaking of spoilt rich boys I was a bit surprised at the Villa fans being so jubilant at sending us down like – I realise that the media have managed to turn us into football lepers as far as the rest of the country is concerned but they were properly, eye bulgingly, face contortedly, screamingly, about to burst a fuse, desperate to send us down and I can’t for the life of me remember what we’ve ever done to them?
Every Villa fan I spoke to before and after the match (and there was a canny few – I’ll talk to anyone me, I mean I’m even talking to you now aren’t I…) didn’t want us to go down – so where did the 30,000 who did come from?
Anyway, they’re on my list now (it’s getting long my list) and, as we all know, football is cyclical and what goes around comes around. Twenty years ago Man Utd were a mid-table team with a barely known Scottish manager who most of their fans wanted sacked. So there’ll come a time when we can do them a bad turn and when that happens I’ll be there laughing my head off at them. Well that’s if any of the fickle fuckers turn up. These are the same fans who were booing Martin O’ Neill and their team off the pitch a few games ago – in fact if there’s any justice in the world at all then their chairman – the admirable Mr Lerner and Ashley will swap clubs – now that’d be funny!
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Guy Fawkes was right, politicians are shite.
So they’ve finally been caught with their greedy, grasping fingers in the till eh? Brilliant.
Predictably; ‘It’s only a minority’, ‘it’s all within the rules and therefore it’s the rules that are to blame not us’, ’it’s all the papers’ fault for reporting it, not ours for stealing the cash in the first place’ and my own personal favourite, ‘it’s okay, I’m paying back the money I stole so you can all move on – nothing to see here officer.’
Imagine this scenario:-
You come home and find a burglar in your house so you take a lump of wood to his head and call the bizzies. When they turn up two weeks later, (having been unavoidably detained at a focus group seminar on the rights of one legged, eastern european, dwarf, single mother lesbians with learning difficulties) and try to nick you for defending yourself, the burglar then pipes up…
‘Actually officer, I wasn’t nicking anything anyway cos I’m going to repay all the cash I took, so technically no crime was committed and therefore this man has just assaulted me for no reason….’
Sounds daft but that’s the precedent that’s being set by the wankers that ‘run’ this country (and haven’t they made a good job of it…) – as far as I’m aware you can’t have different sets of rules in law. So if these horrible arseholes get away with stealing our taxes – at a time when the country’s nearly bankrupt anyway – then theoretically it’s open season and no-one will go to jail ever again.
What do you mean no-one does anyway? God you’re so cynical…..
Predictably; ‘It’s only a minority’, ‘it’s all within the rules and therefore it’s the rules that are to blame not us’, ’it’s all the papers’ fault for reporting it, not ours for stealing the cash in the first place’ and my own personal favourite, ‘it’s okay, I’m paying back the money I stole so you can all move on – nothing to see here officer.’
Imagine this scenario:-
You come home and find a burglar in your house so you take a lump of wood to his head and call the bizzies. When they turn up two weeks later, (having been unavoidably detained at a focus group seminar on the rights of one legged, eastern european, dwarf, single mother lesbians with learning difficulties) and try to nick you for defending yourself, the burglar then pipes up…
‘Actually officer, I wasn’t nicking anything anyway cos I’m going to repay all the cash I took, so technically no crime was committed and therefore this man has just assaulted me for no reason….’
Sounds daft but that’s the precedent that’s being set by the wankers that ‘run’ this country (and haven’t they made a good job of it…) – as far as I’m aware you can’t have different sets of rules in law. So if these horrible arseholes get away with stealing our taxes – at a time when the country’s nearly bankrupt anyway – then theoretically it’s open season and no-one will go to jail ever again.
What do you mean no-one does anyway? God you’re so cynical…..
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Harriet...fuck off Man.
Alreet,
Been a bit of while hasn’t it – sorry about that but they’ve decided at work that they’d like me to actually earn the pittance they give me every month so I’ve been driving a lorry up and down the A5 a lot recently.
Anyway, nowt’s changed really. My blockbusting, warts and all, tongue in cheek, look at the life of a football supporter ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life Of Two Halves’ is still coming out in August and if you’re good I’ll give you a mention when I’m on Jonathan Ross.
I went to see ‘The Specials’ in Birmingham a few weeks back and had a great time, ending up in Wolverhampton at my favourite club in all the world. The next day was a tad challenging though. Remember on the news a while back about a bloke who was handcuffed to a car steering wheel and the car was filled with gas bottles? Well the car was on the track south of Birmingham New Street train station and I was in there…trying to get my train home…which is south of the station….Bugger!
I’ve noticed also that Labour minister Harriet Harman is pushing a bill through Parliament that will make it legal to discriminate against white men! That’s the Labour party that was formed purely to protect the working classes, which at the time of it’s inception, was mainly white men – still they’ve had our money now though haven’t they.
I think someone ought to point out to her that the last fucker to try this shite was a shortarse Austrian who thought he could get away with demonising a certain section of the community back in the 1930’s …and look what happened to him…..
Politicians – all scum.
Later
Been a bit of while hasn’t it – sorry about that but they’ve decided at work that they’d like me to actually earn the pittance they give me every month so I’ve been driving a lorry up and down the A5 a lot recently.
Anyway, nowt’s changed really. My blockbusting, warts and all, tongue in cheek, look at the life of a football supporter ‘I’m Rivelino – A Life Of Two Halves’ is still coming out in August and if you’re good I’ll give you a mention when I’m on Jonathan Ross.
I went to see ‘The Specials’ in Birmingham a few weeks back and had a great time, ending up in Wolverhampton at my favourite club in all the world. The next day was a tad challenging though. Remember on the news a while back about a bloke who was handcuffed to a car steering wheel and the car was filled with gas bottles? Well the car was on the track south of Birmingham New Street train station and I was in there…trying to get my train home…which is south of the station….Bugger!
I’ve noticed also that Labour minister Harriet Harman is pushing a bill through Parliament that will make it legal to discriminate against white men! That’s the Labour party that was formed purely to protect the working classes, which at the time of it’s inception, was mainly white men – still they’ve had our money now though haven’t they.
I think someone ought to point out to her that the last fucker to try this shite was a shortarse Austrian who thought he could get away with demonising a certain section of the community back in the 1930’s …and look what happened to him…..
Politicians – all scum.
Later
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