Reality Bites...

Ooh how good is ‘Spooks’ these days? I think the new series has been great and I’m worried about Harry for the last two episodes.

Now if a proper cynic like my good self can get into a program like that then I think it’s a credit to the actors, writers and everyone else involved. However it also shows up the rest of the shite on television these days for what it really is – cheap, lowest common denominator bollocks.

‘Reality’ shows in particular cheese me right off. In the main they’re just this centuries equivalent of putting the village idiot in the stocks and laughing at him, well with the exception of one. ‘The Restaurant’, in my not so humble opinion was class and involved real people actually working for something they’d always dreamt of instead of fat, tracksuited oafs screeching at a camera in a vain attempt to convince themselves and the nation that their worthless lives actually mean something.

‘But Simon..sniff…it’s my dream…always has been…sniff’

‘You’re not good enough – get out…I’m Mr. Nasty me…’

‘But…sob…ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be a singer…it’s all I’ve ever wanted…’

At this point I would like to step onto the set and ask the spotty, ugly charva the following questions :-

So Fatty – you say you’ve always wanted to be a singer and it’s your dream?

‘yes…sniff…’

And with this in mind have you ever taken any singing lessons?

‘…no…sob…me mam couldn’t afford them…’

Did you think of getting a paper round or part time job to pay for them?

‘…sniff…no…’

What about working in the clubs as a singer and honing your act?

‘…sob….but I go out on a Saturday night so I couldn’t do that and anyway I practice down The Hare and Hounds on a Friday at karaoke night..sniff’

So what you’re saying is that in your youth you couldn’t be bothered to get off your lazy fat arse and do some graft to pay for singing lessons or stage school and even now you can’t be bothered to do any kind of work towards your ‘dream’. Instead you just want to be plucked from obscurity, magically made good looking and catapulted to instant stardom and a life of luxury through the virtue of being able to scream ‘I will always love you’ to a pub full of old soaks and lesbian darts teams louder than anyone else on a Friday night?

‘…sob…sob but it’s me dream…’

Well in that case I suggest you downgrade your ‘dream’ career to something you have more experience of and an obvious aptitude for – start practicing this phrase luv ...‘Do you want fries with that?’

Now fuck off from my screen and let’s have an extended edition of Dr. Who on.