American Idyll...

Howdy,

How y’all doing?

Right enough of that yank shite and on to telling you all about my holiday – basically it was ace.

I went to Vegas which was magnificent – the hotels are so over the top they’re brilliant. Didn’t win owt in the casinos but did get ID’d when trying to gain entry to a club – I didn’t know whether to kick off with the bouncer or kiss him!

Following that I hit Palm Springs and went up a mountain in the worlds largest 360 degree rotating cable car. I also had a steak that was bigger than my plate for a couple of quid – always a good thing.

En-route to LA I wandered into Calico, a ghost town that used to be a thriving silver mine – as a western fan I obviously headed straight for the saloon, pushed open the swing doors and shouted ‘This town ain’t big enough for the both of us’ – The barman wasn’t impressed.

Once in LA I visited Disneyland and Universal Studios and of course the famous Hollywood boulevard walk of fame.

It’s the original Disney (not that Florida impostor) and it was the first time I’d been to somewhere like that – frankly, I loved it. I suggest all you new dads start saving up now to take the sprogs in a few years time. I went on a few of the rides and even bought the photo of myself on ‘Space Mountain’ where I’m quite obviously shitting bricks.

Universal was similar but, if possible, even better – they had a few rides but also did special effects and stuntman shows which were class (especially Waterworld) – as well as that I took a tram around their ‘back lots’ which involved me meeting King Kong and Jaws and seeing various production sets including ‘War of the Worlds’, ‘Fast and Furious – Tokyo Drift’ and the seminal ‘Desperate Housewives’!!

Headed up to San Francisco after that and took a boat ride around the mighty Golden Gate bridge and Alcatraz. Went eating and drinking around the Fishermans Wharf area and indulged in some dessert at the world famous Cheesecake factory. Oooh… drank cocktails on the 49th floor of The Hilton overlooking the city as well.

All in all a cracking holiday and even learning that the same model of plane as mine had crashed at Heathrow just as we were boarding our return flight couldn’t spoil it.

In conclusion I would like to say that America, in my opinion, suffers from a bad press. The people I met there were very polite, courteous and helpful. There were obviously the odd obese and not too bright specimens as well but anyone who stereotypes the whole country in that vein really ought to take a good hard look at their own surroundings. The graffiti littered, rubbish and vomit strewn, hoodie wearing scrote filled, streets of my market town don’t compare to the pleasant, clean, looked after places I visited.

And as for the fat and stupid thing – just visit any British supermarket on a Saturday afternoon and observe the shell suited morons dragging their vast bulk around the aisles whilst their horrible fucking brats scream for sunny delight.

It’s good to be back.