Thursday, 24 July 2008

Everything is Average nowadays - part 8

The News of The World for digging out Max Mosley because he had a nazi orgy with a load of Prossies – leave him alone man we’ve all done it; Kids on their school holidays making loads of noise up and down your street when you’re trying to get to sleep – the little fuckers should all be on a curfew on pain of death; People who don’t keep up with fashion and diss your new Lyle & Scott top; Bosses who hang onto their jobs by a fingernail when it’s obvious they’re fucked – show some pride you spineless twats; Publishers who employ women readers for profanity riddled mens books and then don’t understand that the target audience might see it a little differently – nobs; Chris Moyles, no particular reason I just hate the fat cunt; Students (obviously); Wankers who feel the need to rev up their mopeds at half six in the morning in their back garden two down from yours – that’ll end in tears; All coppers who arrest people for defending themselves – cocks; Politicians in this country – all shit, all in it for the money, all irrelevant to public life now we’re run from Brussels; People who leave big bits of Carbon Fibre sticking out of shelves in the warehouse you work in so you can walk into them and pierce the skin on your forehead resulting in much pain and blood – utter, utter cunts.

I hope they all fall down on a gravel pit and skin their knees – bastards.

10 comments:

Yvonne Young said...

Found your link on Judith O`Reilly`s Wife in the North site. Your blog is so funny, you`ve got pictures of Byker where you lived...you should perform at the Cumberland Arms, you`d go down well. Passing this on to others. Can I put your link on my blog Pre-Menopausal Women`s Pass(ed) Times?

Rivs said...

You're very welcome Yvonne - tell as many people as you like...please!!

I'll stick a link up to your site on here and would be more than happy for you to do the same.

Cheers

cousin tel said...

I'd like to see you perform at the cumberland arms as well, what would you do, do you have an act, would you need to perform behind a fence like the blues brothers? what would you do to stop the locals turning on you

Rivs said...

I don't need an act man - I'm a natural ranter...think Billy Connolly meets Billy Furious!

They wouldn't turn on me I'm a Byker lad - one of their own, local boy made good and all that...would they?????

cousin tel said...

i've heard they still shoot deserters in the north east

Rivs said...

I'm from Byker Tel, the bullets would just bounce off...

Anonymous said...

Here man,I was in the Cumberland the other day and I can assure you that not one of the cunts in there was a native of Byker.The place is full of wankers who wouldn't last 5 minutes in Jacksons or the Butchers.
If you were to "perform" there I can assure you that you would be in no more danger of a beating there than you would at a meeting of the Banbury chapter of the W.I.

Rivs said...

Anonymous eh? I'm guessing you've got ginger hair and you carry a flag to the match with 'Wallsend Ultras' written on it in crayon...

Yvonne Young said...

Anonymous must be scared that one of the wankers gets him!!! or maybe he really wants to perform there and doesn`t want to burn his boats. It`s like everywhere you go, there are good and bad acts, but if at least one or two are great it`s worth going . And the best way to change things is to contribute. YY xx

Anonymous said...

Strawberry blonde actually and I think you will find my Waalsend ultras flag is written in blood.