Tuesday, 22 May 2007

Everything is average nowadays - Part 2

Trying to buy a normal cup of coffee anywhere without using the words latte or mocha; Football being as far removed from the working classes as politicians are; Pedantic council officials; The man who stole the pensions of millions of hard working citizens being rewarded with running the entire country; People with nicknames like 'Disco' or 'Daz' for beating me at the dream team game - pair of nobs; Them twats who DELIBERATELY go to the 'Basket only' or 'Ten items or less' queues in the supermarket with too much in their basket/trolley and think they're above the rules; Ruth Kelly; The cult of 'celebrity'; Modern Art (Anthony Gormley excepted); 'Reality' Television - lazy, braindead shite; Continuing articles/stories/revelations about an overprivileged woman who never had to work a day in her life and died in a car accident ten years ago - get over it; Students again (particularly the ones in Oxford who jump off the bridge every May Day); Litterbugs and gumdroppers; People who cross the road to walk two steps in front of you and then proceed to look round all nervous as if you're going to mug them, causing you to speed up and get past them when you really can't be arsed; Being made redundant from a job that was easy enough to allow you to write two books and maintain a blog.

They all boil my piss!


woody said...

Doormen who let people called goog sit in a bar looking like they've been there all week, unshaved, stinking and sat in their own urine!!
Then they kick the likes of me out for purchasing one drink too many, putting money in their pockets and then throwing me out for doing so.


Rivs said...

Aye, see ya point like.

Daz said...

You didn't mention that Daz beat you in two seperate dream team leagues (£5 for each one huckle)and i'd suggest you should re-title this feature to something like 'Things as bent as Brad' because being distinctly average isn't a big enough insult for the items listed.
And you can add "going on a course entitled 'How to improve your individual effectiveness'(which within a minute of seeing my new colleagues i deduced was obviously aimed at managerial types, not proper grafting blue collar spanner monkeys like myself)" to your list.

Daz again said...

...And role play in the aforementioned course.

McBride said...

What you talking about the shadow cabinet only has 5 old etonians who deserve do run the country!!What you winging about?

Rivs said...

I should run the country - instant justice, no questions asked.

Charvas begging for 50p 'to get the bus home mate' - instant smack in the mouth.

People who rob pensioners - Finger cut off and a smack in the mouth.

Vandals, hooligans and litterbugs - numerous smacks in the mouth.

Aye, vote Fasthands you know it makes sense.

cousin tel said...

Did you know that when Diana died the actually cancelled the football that day....outrageous

Rivs said...

Aye, I remember. Liverpool v Newcastle got cancelled, we were on a good run at the time and by the time we played them later in the season we had loads of injuries and were shite - got beat!

It was the beginning of the end for Dalglish as Newcastle Manager.

cousin tel said...

And it was all because, as my mate put it at the time, "some arsehole doesn't know how to drive proprly"