Going to hell in a handcart...

The other night I was watching telly when my wife informed me that two young scrotes were trying to make babies on my front porch. Obviously I was up in a flash with the intention of getting a good look at her...I mean moving them on and did so in a manner befitting a fifteen stone skinhead from Byker:-

'What the fuck are you playing at?'

Small youth looks at me like I'm daft and then tilts his head in a confused expression before saying 'What?'

'Fuck off from my step'

Small youth looks quizzically at me for a couple of seconds before slowly moving off, his girlfriend emerges from next doors porch with all of her clothes intact (gutted!) and they slouch off.

Here's my question, if I'd given him a slap, and bearing in mind that law abiding citizens are being killed up and down the country for daring to speak out at yobs, would I have been charged with anything by what laughably passes for the law in this country?

And with the answer being yes, I'd have been carted off to the nick quicker than you can say this country's fucked, then that leads onto my next question?

If the lad had just said fuck off and proceeded to continue 'pleasuring ((c) The Sun)' his teenage girlfriend how could I have stopped him?

Answers on a postcard to Messrs Brown and Cameron please but don't expect an answer.


Ps - I'd have probably given him a round of applause...but you can't clap with one hand...Ho hum.